Summer Thanksgiving

Now that summer is coming to an end, I'll give a general account (not the one on CORS) of what transpired during the sweltering season of fun.

Blazing the Music with Converse! Playing in the glass window display at Tangs wasn't exactly friendly on the acoustics, but we did have fun!

Xavier said he thought of this J-Rock hairstyle when he first looked at me. Encouraging, huh?

Bintan beach retreat with CVCF! A great time of fellowship, Tzu Char binging, Bintang Beer and hermit crab collection.

MusicMen!!!

All Saints' Church Student Camp, where I witnessed many brothers and sisters being used mightily by God for expanding His Kingdom.

Plus my own nostalgic night walk around AHS, marvelling at how old (concrete) meets new (concrete)

SHINE Youth Event at Orchard Road! I played bass for VOICES and REIS for the fringe event booths.

Stormtrooper from 501st! They're actually the most decent-looking ones at SHINE, among a whole throng of cosplayers.

CAC (Cultural Activities Club) Camp. I just found out that they'll have a finale this coming Friday where CAC will actually be publicised. Wow.

Too late, damage's done. Put me through 3 days of pure, unadulterated "Engin Camp Part 2". つまんない。

Marina Barrage really boasts a panoramic view I'd say.

Takeaways from the camp? A nice tan plus a sand sorcerer shot, LOL.

You'll bet I wanted some relief from that 3 days of awkwardness away from home! Got it at the following J-Studies Society camp!

I kind of missed JSS, 'cause most of the activities clashed with lessons and VOICES. I've gotta say they're a fun bunch!

Nice freshies and a CCA camp that's got its own character. Didn't waste my time.

Fun with old friends...

Enjoying Nighttime Sentosa

Manning stations and doing silly stuff like drinking with 10 straws

Playing Ponyo at the beach

Playing motion shots with DSLR. Again.

The glorious Jumpshot!

Burying Junhong in the sand and "building" a Gundam Wing Zero out of it. Carolyn can really draw, even on sand!

Halfway through the summer I found myself in the organising commitee of CVCF Freshmen Camp, doing programs with Chuling. When Jiamian first explained to me his concept of CORS bidding simulation - all for the purpose of giving the freshmen some hands-on before Round 1A actually starts - I never expected the project to scale up towards a fully working, formula-driven spreadsheet. We had great fun bidding for food items (which we agreed are the best form of incentive we can promise in a 1-day bidding game), but eventually the prizes proved to be... a tad too much to stomach, LOL.

I've enjoyed the CVCF camp experience lest year - simple but rewarding. I guess I can say the same for this year as well :)

Same Museum, different year.

I've come to love eagles especially after understanding the significance of the analogy in Isaiah 40

The real "Can of Worms"! If these are the larvae I can imagine how big the beetles will end up. The description says that they taste like shrimps when fried, but I'm not sure if I want to find out!

Our group winnings! I guess we got the more digestable combination.

The coming semester promises to be more hectic and eventful, and my prayer is still the same. To remember God in the excitement of my days of youth, and to deliver.

Ohayo Merlion

Somehow it warms my heart to know that the Merlion is kinda famous in Japan.

Nihon no Mikata - Friends of Japan

Yazima Beauty Salon: 3 Japanese guys playing the role of 3 sisters hailing from Nevada... what a concept LOL

I foresee a JSS mass dance in the making.

Snippets from SHINE

I'm glad we came through for our gig at Orchard yesterday! Both for VOICES and REIS.

4 practices in total for VOICES, changes here and there during the sessions, getting bold and experimental: Roger on bass, Joel catching exact string parts, and me on drums. DRUMS!!!

3 practice sessions for REIS. Looking back, we've been pretty bold indeed!

Be it with VOICES at the crowded front of Wisma Atria or with REIS at the panoramic Ngee Ann City Civic Plaza, nothing quite beats performing right out there in the open. I should probably say that I felt less nervous than in my gigs at Ben & Jerry's 'cause...

• I generally feel more relaxed in open spaces
• The sound system was better. I could really blast my bass!
• The Stormtroopers from 501st Legion somewhat gave me an ego boost.

~

Jane Doe (DJ from 91.3): "Hi, you are?"

在下: "Weiquan."

JD: "Hmm..."

在下: "Is Isaiah easier to remember?"

JD: "Ah yes, Isaiah! Alright."

... ...

在下: "... yes, and REIS stands for Roger, Evan, Isaiah and Sanjay."

JD: "OK. How do I spell your name again?"

在下: "i-s-a-i-a-h."

JD: "Oh... that Isaiah!"

在下: "Yes. That one! :)"

JD: "So you watch Grey's Anatomy!"

在下: "... "

~

Evan: "So, are you happy?"

在下: "I should be."

Rhythm

Drumming is a totally different experience. Altogether.

I'm so close to saying that the exhilaration it gives beats that which I get from singing.

Step 2

This is going slower than planned.

I've finally finished Emo Intel out of the tons of books I bought for the summer.

And now, after getting to understand the nature of emotions and how they build up or drag down the individual, depending on how he or she manages it, I'm now moving on to getting inspirations for how exactly to manage those emotions.

"Changes that Heal" by Dr Henry Cloud. From my random browsing I found some honest accounts of very personal issues that people might face, and scriptural answers to them. Now after going through the introductory chapters which kind of promised some practical aspects of growing in God's image and likeness - an idea frequently brought up, but not that easily defined - I'm really looking forward to the rest of the journey.

Back to my study room then!

In His time

Yesterday's cell was especially edifying. Almost all of us served in Student Camp, and we've all had our very own tiny (some not so tiny) encounters with God, and opportunities to serve Him.

And sometimes, God just raises us up for the occasion, under very short notice!

I'm glad to say that I've found one of my areas of calling. But it's just one, and I'm sure there're more.

Burdens come and go. In different times we see different people in need, but who will I be called to minister to? This time round I've been reading Emotional Intelligence by Goleman, and in the cases described in the book I see people missing out on the fullness of life because of a missing ingredient in their life: EQ.

Fights, destructive relationships, lives broken by the onslaught of negative emotions, and all we need is to handle our emotions better.

That could be learnt (or for some, re-learnt) with external help.

Which brought back to mind my distant interest in Social Work modules in University.

I still have yet to make my choice for my Minor, and I'll still be doing J-Studies modules. But I should probably take a closer look at SW in the following semesters.

Still, God, even in all these, even when I know that everything will only happen in Your own time, I guess I won't cease pleading with you about that small request of mine. The frustration has awakened all over again, and I doubt it ever will go away.

I know I sound like a brat, but I'm sick of waiting.

OMG

I was very grateful that God used me after all, for ASC Student Camp, when it first seemed impossible.

And just when I thought I'd merely "session" for them during the daily worship services 'cause I had other CCA admin stuff to settle, I eventually decided to stay in because of the early hours of the practices and services.

I guess spending the wee hours outside home for that number of days gave me the time and the ambience I needed for some time alone with God.

During the BBQ on the final day, among Zhihao's PA system playlist there was "5 loaves 2 fish" by Corrinne May, a song about surrender, that came into my life during a time when I really needed that moment of surrender to God.

To surrender my... delusion that I could take things into my own hands easily, I suppose.

I went off alone to that dark classroom block to pray. About many things.

Among which was my frustration that I never seemed to be able to be fully satisfied in God Himself. I was still chasing after the kinds of love that I wanted, or I thought I wanted. Those desires were real, and relevant, I believe. They remain very much so, and I believe they're from God.

But I could go so far as to say that I won't be satisfied; I WON'T REST until one day when my desires are met.

And though I've gotten enough timely messages from God to never doubt His existence ever again, truth was, to me He's just like a pen pal, a one-way Skype friend. We communicate at a distance. Only He was a webcam. Sure, I've recieved a few "e-mails", but what I knew of Him was based on information. Concrete, yes, but just information.

And I know there can never be a day when we can sit down and have tea and talk just like friends do. Before I go home to His Kingdom, that is.

So for now, this is the furthest our communication could go.

...

"How could I possibly be satisfied like that?" I asked God.

~

After I got a bit better I went back to my bunk which was also the venue for the camp prayer cell, and Qinglin was making this passing comment about being surprised at someone saying it's easy to believe in the Christian faith.

In an equally passing comment, I said I'd probably say the same. It's just information based faith, after all.

I was surprised at how, at that moment, I easily took Shuyi's reply to that comment of mine, 'cause I feel a tad reserved now even as I put it into words when I recount that conversation.

"Perhaps you haven't really met God yet."

But I had to say, I was suddenly opened to possibilities that lay before me and I chose not to see.

To think that I dared say that this was the furthest level of fellowship I could go with God. When in my last post I was still praying for "something better".

WHEN GOD HAS ALREADY GIVEN ME HIS BEST! HE GAVE HIS LIFE FOR ME!

There's definitely more I can seek, and God can always reveal more of Himself to me. And here, I'll ask Him to.

"Please."

Wait

The word is still regret. Regret that I've killed something that's alive. Like cutting off a bud before it could bear flower and fruit. Like boiling an egg so that the chick could never be born.

So, the hungry man who could have had spring chicken now has only a hard bolied egg to show for it.

God opens up opportunities, and when he decides to open doors he'll open them anyway.

Just that now, because I sought early gratification, these opportunities, now hollowed by my act of folly, stare back at me in mockery.

But if I so fervently commit to prayer, would he not give me something new, something better? He will, whether I believe it or not. Just that if I keep on refusing to wait in faith, I'd destroy everything.

So I'll whine, but I'll wait.

Deliver

The key word for my next 3 weeks will be: Deliver.

I have my time constraints, and I might really be too stretched out. Still, I don't need that much time; I just need to make full use for whatever little time I have for everything.

And deliver.

thank You for the music

I'm very much looking forward to my next gig with R.E.I. (still a tentative name).

Good that all of us are quickly building on our repertoire (the foundation of which was laid by quick upgrades from Evan's acostic solo sets). I guess one of the best things about us is that we all sing, and we all had experiences in directing bands. 'Cause this means we get our turns to sing lead vocals, we can do 3-part harmony like nobody's business, and all of us have some kind of ownership in our "open-source" repertiore in general.

I was so on high from singing "Wherever You Will Go" during yesterday's jamming!

And I do see myself going somewhere serving in church music ministry, compared to the previous few months when things got a bit dry. I guess the sharing in the previous ministry gathering about the importance of skills in a worship band did help me loosen up a bit from that highly reserved state I used to find myself in when playing for service.

That means I can afford to be more expressive, and now I'm more ready to try new things out. I kind of surprised myself with that agogo-ish bassline for that song which I haven't heard before that session but they all called "ancient", LOL.

Ah, yes

I had to remind myself that, if this had been the December vacation instead, it'd be over soon.

But now I still have 2 months.

All other plans are going on fine, but I've gotten a few books for the summer and I expect to finish them by the time school reopens.

I have important things to do next Sem. And study. I cannot afford to get such results for a third time.

Plus, I'm still giving myself a deadline to achieve that goal. I haven't much time left.

P.S.

I was bent on not buying any clothes this summer, 'cause I have enough of them already and also I have to save money.

And then I realised, Great S'pore Sale happens now.

Shit.

Screw that confidence

'Cause in the end the grades of my elective modules weren't as rosy as expected.

And my cores, I'm just grateful they didn't get any worse.

Quite a few marked differences in this Sem and last Sem, but still not good enough to push the results up considerably. If everything had proceeded as planned, things would now be very different.

I shan't say anything about academics for the next Sem for the time being.

Bean there, worn that

After an evening of "reckless abandon" in A minor preparation for gig at Ben & Jerry's on Saturday, Roger, Evan and I decided to continue on this whole beanie idea that we'd been toying with during audition day.

And Roger's finally hopped onto the Musicians' Black-Rimmed-Specs bandwagon!

Same answer, "Tsk, not used to it la."

Conclusion: New beanie for Roger. No beanie for Evan.

As for me, I'll save my beanie for some other day. This Sat I'll be turning up with a fedora.

What I really wanna say is

There're times when you encounter people who just can't stop taking jabs at you to satisfy their own ego. Truth is, they're simply making a clown of themselves, and as far as I'm concerned 我~

完全

没有

任何

理由

理你

The Full Confidence of Faith - FES 50th Anniversary Talk

FES, or Fellowship of Evangelical Students, is the umbrella organisation of my school Christian fellowship.

I wish I could go for the full session, but looks like I can only go for the Friday one.

Though I should say, I really think the Saturday session would be useful for me.

Time Management

Who talks about time management during long vacations like this?

Me.

First 2 weeks have been eventful and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Be it outdoor trips, overseas beach retreats, music practices for band and church camp, "Live Long & Prosper", or just plain pigging out.

Got all the time to do the stuff I love. Just that all of them are crammed into May & early June.

Cool.

At first everything was nicely laid out. Now everything's starting to clash with one another. I'm so stretched out now that I can't give more time which I'd otherwise have given to polish the individual projects on hand.

And the apologetics talk for which I have to give a pass.

This is so like the exams. Just that I'm still enjoying myself nonetheless.

I merely wish I can worry less about schedules and logistics.

One (more) night in PGP

One more night in PGP Residences.

And I'll be checking out tomorrow.

Everything happened too quickly in my stay here. Even more so for the events that transpired which led to my getting a room in the first place.

Tuesday, mid Feb:

E-mail from school: "We've got an empty room right now. Those interested please get back to us by this Friday."

Best part? I wouldn't even have noticed this mail if Outlook hadn't opened by itself in my Science Library PC!

Of course I replied.

Wednesday:

E-mail: "Alright the room's yours! We won't reveal the room type to you until you've checked in so you can't say no even if the room turned out to be that ATAS Type-A with air-con, attached bathroom; the type that takes a heavy blast at your Dad's pocket."

Hmm...

Thursday, 7:30 a.m. Mom's already (!) at work:

"Bye Dad! See you soon!" Thank God I got the most affordable room type!

That day I had to lug both my instruments along 'cause there'll be band practice the following day. Worked out quite a sweat that morning.

Phew!

Thus began my half-Semester stay at PGP Residences!

Suddenly, Vivocity became the nearest shopping mall, Bus 10 was... still my friendliest bus (now it goes past Vivo + Katong Shopping Mall + Church + both my homes :D ), and the quiet view of Science Park and the harbour beyond bidded me goodnight.

Everyday.

Everything that transpired after that seemed like a breeze too.

Tech Runs. And rushing with Julian and Jon for the last shuttle bus back to PGP.

Publicity Booth, erm, "mending". And that night in my room when I transcribed about 10 songs in total. Hoped whatever was done managed to put the pub side at ease.

More Tech Runs. During one of which I almost went insane. Simply because someone else got lucky (go figure). Ugh, silly me.

Rehearsals at Lunar Bar. And it was only my third time there when I looked up and saw... those pictures o_O.

Emerge.

あの事件。It was in this room, all those nights, when I prayed all the time, but didn't stop to listen. You'd never have expected that fine day to turn out this way. I didn't either.

And it was in this same room, when things got a little brighter. I'm very thankful for whatever followed, given the mess I've made.

Steph's birthday bash. 8 songs in 2 days. And my eyes got larger too.

Campus Reunion Concert. Practices till 3 a.m. and the like. Supper at Fong Seng. All possible 'cause I have a room at PGP.

And the dead goldfish.

I'm not gonna talk about exams here.

Point is, tonight will be my last night here in PGP. This room will forever hold those memories of Year 1 Sem 2.

How timely it is, then, that tomorrow I'll be going for VOICES new Exco election straight after checking out. Right into a new beginning. The week of Emerge 09, which forms the bulk of my ties to this room, is but a distant memory now, but I think I'll pack it into my last batch of luggage too as I leave.

When the clock next strikes 12, the room shall be back to how it was again.

Crisis Core

McSpicy, it's calling my name now ARGH!!!

~

Kai Guan: "what do YOU think of this semester?"

在下: "Picture an apple with its 'core' removed."

Fuji Apple. What's left is purely Japanese. OK I'm getting too cryptical here...

Ubin

SUMMER.

Not the time to unwind yet, but there's definitely time for some Ubin fun!

We met at Tampines, so I could afford that little extra sleep. And woke up to: Rain.

That meant, plans B all the way to Z. We could always hit the ice-skating rink, and go for Karaoke... but the rain stopped so we could proceed as planned.

I miss the exhilaration of cycling, especially in the cool weather after the rain. And I was sure glad I went in flip-flops... all the mud!

Tour guide for the day: Huachuan!

Boys. All under cover

A piece of the multicoloured wonder

Kimochi

Another of my favourite tracks on my iPod.

Spotted this group WaT (Wentz & Teppei) a few years back on a review on i-Weekly, got curious and went to get their album. Loved everything from style of music to the youthful theme of the lyrics.

“僕のキモチ”, "My Feelings" in English, is one of their most famous songs.

Wonderful LIVE setup. If only Teppei hadn't been crying from the start of the song... LOL.

I shall do justice to this song in my next visit to Cash Studios KTV. The last time I went I had sore throat ARGH!!!

Must Wake Up

Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m.

So I shall go sleep now.

L`Arc~en~Ciel - Nexus 4

Stumbled upon this song last semester, when I still had the time and the motivation to follow the Oricon Charts.

Love the groove to bits. And the high 'A' note.

One of my favourite destress songs.

V1:
あてなくただよう　TRAFFIC JAM
街は無秩序　（むちつじょ）　そそぐ雨は　ACID RAIN
明日への空席も無く
迷う僕らは夢見る　ELECTRIC SHEEP

PC1:
いつ来るか知れない　憧れの時
燻　（くすぶ）る　感情は
ただ黙って待ってられない

C1:
見上げたなら　夜空を切り裂いて
駆け上るJET　僕らを導く
錆　（さ）びついた羽根は　まだ朽　（く）ち果てちゃいない
夏より熱い燃え上がる魂
さぁ目覚めろ　NEXT STAGE

V2:
無数に増殖　（ぞうしょく）する　TRAP
一つミスれば笑い飛ばされ　DELETE
未来は仮想的空間へ
結局確かな物は　この想いだけさ

PC2:
眺　（なが）めるばかりの　燃えゆく炎
棒に振るチャンスを　ただ黙って待ってられない

C2:
見上げたなら　夜空を切り裂いて
駆け上るJET　僕らを導く
信じるまま　走れ　きっとまだ間に合う
跳　（は）ね上がる SPEED　決して逃がさない
さぁ飛び乗れ　NEXT STAGE

B:
使い捨てられたって　見返してやるさ
0からの自由を取り込んだ最強のMONSTER

C3:
捲き上がった轟音　（ごうおん）にまみれて秒読みのＳＴAＲＴ
鼓動に合わせて　SAY　321　GO!
君が見上げたなら高く駆け昇る　JET　僕らが旅立つ
さあ飛び乗れSPACE AGE
VIRTUAL GENERATION

This rainy morning

Don't I just love the rain.

8 a.m. in the morning, with a gentle pour outside my bunk window, sounding like a lullaby.

I said "heck" to my handphone alarm and slept on. Who wouldn't?

9 a.m..Woke up all refereshed (even after that stupid dream about losing my bag). I guess the morning rain had such a widespread effect, they had to use this fake fire alarm to wake us all up.

Got Cloud Like Snake

《赤壁》中听到孔明说的 “连窥天河，有云如蛇”，就是这个意思吧。

4 months of Japaneseness

It's not over yet.

AnpanMan shall return, in Japanese 4!

なぜ？だって　アンパンマン　は　一人　しか　いない　だろう？

この学期に、やっと　大学で　日本語を　勉強する　チャンスが　あって、うれしかった。まぁ、都合がちょっと　よくなかったけど　（水曜の　夜　だから、教会の　バンドを　やめなければならなかった）、会話の　練習する　機会がいっぱいあったし、新しい　友達も　できたんだ。

それに、あんなに　不都合な　時間のせいで、晩ご飯が　一つの　アンパン　しか　食べられないように　なってしまった。

だから　アンパンマン　だ。

この学期の　日本語は　こんな　鼓動で　終わって　よかった　（この前のポストを参考）。うれしいよ、僕。

これを　読んでる　君たちも　あきらめないでよ！

P.S. まぁ実は、あんまり　専門　の　物理化学に　戻りたくないなぁ．．．　次の試験のトピクだったのに．．．

Motivation

These days I see it everywhere. Even in the least expected places.

Like the comprehension passage of my Japanese Exam. I was brimming with energy after I finished the whole exercise, LOL.

A very simple message - "You will become the person you think you are".

If I had fully embraced my identity in Christ I'd be a very different person today. But so far I've merely been allowing my defeatist mindset which I've been cultivating since secondary school to eat me up from inside.

I know who I want to be. I just have to take active steps to push my childish fears away.

Thank you, God, for using all kinds of stuff to remind me, that if there's going to be a time for change, it is NOW.

The author shares the same dream as mine.

「子どもに「父ちゃん、かっこういい！」と言われたい。」

OK maybe there's a slight difference, but the bottomline is the same - to be a good parent.

Someday I will bring my children up in the ways of the Lord, teach them all the things I should have been taught, and see them growing up as whole persons.

That's my life goal. That's the best way I can make up for what my parents have missed out on - the goodness of a healthy family life.

help

下个考卷，12小时后进行。

还有半个webcast要听完，接着盖过4份DNA的讲义。

刚刚的晚餐就像这即将结束的学期一样，我满脑子都是课业以外的事情。暑假的种种计划也好，人生目标也好，自我意识也好，又是一个人吃着饭，眉头深锁地思考着。

我对自己的要求越来越严格了。前看后看明明都有神的带领，但就是不满自己仍处在“等待”的阶段。我不喜欢等。

我对别人都有耐心，就是对自己，完全没有。

下学期正式当上“学长”了。对我来说是项更高一层的考验和试炼。

这两周，还是先读书吧。至少我知道，I'm in good hands.

Ah

あっ

My test is 9 a.m. tomorrow.

Let's see how much I can "unscrew" in one day.

Mug-hattan

Spidey comes to Central Slum Library!

~

I don't feel stressed or emo or whatever, but it's not that hard to spot that sulky face in my dear benzene ring.

Thanks for sulking along with me Benzene. You're now my next best friend since Acetone.

Comfort?

Last 3 pages of Chapter 22 on my Organic Chem, and now I'm stuck in the comfort zone of textbook-reading.

Go out there and do some practice, man! 有什么好舍不得的？

Work Work!

赶快工作也将临 夜临工便成

Amen.

Match

Damn Chapter 13! Damn Equilibrium!

Tml I shall squeeze-dry Huachuan's Organic Chem expertise LOL.

I've always been looking for a suitable alternative to my black Timex watch (to match my T-shirt + loose-fit cargo berms) and my sliver Adidas analogue watch (to match my shirts). Up till now I've been settling for wearing my silver watch when I'm wearing T-shirt + Jeans, but there's gotta be a better option. One fine evening, looking around on the MRT, I found my answer.

Got it this afternoon :D

Love Story

「これは僕の　恋愛に関する物語だ。」

This coming week will be a test of how much I love myself.

もう一度言う。「これは僕の　恋愛に関する物語だ。」

And how much I love Chemistry.

Chotto Matte Kudasai

Don't all go off at the same time, man!

2 projects from my J-Studies and J-Language module just got wrapped up today. Sui sui. Now as far as these 2 modules are concerned I'm down to the final exams.

I'm too lazy for words. But I should still say, most of my coursemates and I fell in love with Japan even more after the whole course, in ways that differ from person to person. I, for one, had a very different view of the Samurai before this course, and I came out with a very different impression of them. I've now seen the more human, everyday side of the Samurai, I guess.

And many other things, of course. Like the precarious balance that is the national identity of Japan. I totally had no idea.

And to my project group mates, nice working with you guys. I'm glad we embarked on this topic, somehow. It's got its academic value I daresay. Compared to sushi and samurai, that is :D

My favourite part of the research would go to the part on Meiji Restoration. Their obsession with achieving excellence was... mind blowing. And inspiring.

And I still don't buy the victim mindset of WW2 Japan. They can call me brainwashed by the victors' justice of the Allies, but I won't exactly say I believe the Allies; I only believe the tens of thousands of Chinese killed in WW2. I'm Chinese after all. and there're just some things we can never joke about, I think.

It was with mixed feelings that I slotted the term paper into Shumin's mailbox.

~

We've finally wrapped things up for LAJ presentation. Our improv was classic!

「ストレスに　なると (!)　」

and I'll check out more of 推背图 this summer.

~

And now my core modules, don't all come charging at me at once!

ooooookkkkkkaaaaayyyyy llooooorrrr

It's a refreshing experience, and it's amazing how things change when I start making an effort in pushing my limiting beliefs away.

After all, ultimately, those limiting beliefs just reflect one thing - my obsession with gaining the approval of man, something God said I shouldn't care about.

So I finally came to terms with the fact that I've been the one consciously conjuring up those ideas about myself, and this means I can really stop myself from thinking stuff like "I'm just an extra in the group" if I want to.

And I began to see how, bit by bit, my social interactions took on a positive change.

Today, while praying, I decided to just let it off a bit in my private (OK, not so private now) time with God, since I still needed an avenue for release. I was just about to start with "Actually huh, I felt rather ignored yesterd-"

"What is that to you? You follow Me."

-- John 21:22

Stunned.

It just came up my mind and I got hit by the truth of it. Out of context yes, but definitely not out of character for Him to give me such a word for a time like this.

OK lor.

Summer

Hole-y

I wanted to blog about how blessed I felt during Holy Week. I still will, but looks like I'm not going to be able to do it today.

This morning I was thinking I'd be able to clear 3 chapters of Organic Chemistry after dinner.

But I'm still doing my J-studies paper now. Should have been done before dinner time.

Slowness. And tiredness. Stared at laptop all day. DAMN good for the eyes. Already pondering the possibility of sleeping at 10 p.m. and waking up at 5 a.m. tomorrow to finally do some Chemistry and get stuff settled for the final Fellowship Cell Group for the Semester.

Am I still the Proud Science Student?

God use me. However unworthy I am.

Dark Nintendo Night

OK I have to say, this is awesome.

The fusion of 2 songs, with different chord progressions, that somehow fit together. Mario undergoes a key change to B Major to fit the B Minor of Dark Eternal Night. OK scratch "somehow". The fit is almost perfect!

Spark

It came this afternoon, in full force, when the dibenzylacetone-alcohol solution was boiling a tad too rigourously and some of it spilled over onto the heating pan. Somewhere close by the pan a spark burst forth with a loud 'pop' sound, so loud I wondered why no one turned to look.

I turned off my heating pan, thinking that it had short-circuited (and later found out that it hadn't, thank God).

And ended up stoning there for a minute or two.

I guess things have been building up for the past week. My lab report which I've just completed a moment ago, slightly overdue. My conversation with Xuande about rethinking my Major and job prospects... OK maybe just my Major. And I kind of amused myself when Jewel was asking how I've been juggling studies and CCA and my reply was a simple

"No, actually I haven't been juggling."

Yea, I haven't. I've compromised on my studies by quite a lot. I can rethink my fling with Chemistry at a later date, but as of this Semester I've got 2 Chem modules and 1 Life Science module and I'm still intent on getting my 4.5. Even after that disastrous Organic Chem quiz.

And that means going through my 2 textbooks faithfully, bit by painful bit.

~

Moving on is always easy. It requires a lot more effort and mental energy, however, to make sure I take the lessons learnt along with me as I move on.

Which is kind of strange, 'cause I also believe that the longest-lasting changes will always take place at sub-conscious level.

It will take another semester, I guess, to see how much more comfortable I've become with myself. And with people.

~

If I get to see Bass Clef, Miller and Santos the next Sem, I'll be a happy man :)

Chemistry

What happens when a chemist buys a new water bottle?

Cool. Such a turn-on. Go google hexagonal water. I can only wonder how much the turnover is for the catalytic inner coating. That's something which cannot be easily found out by titration...

Talk

A prayerful man is a happy man XD

A look too much

The goldfish came to our cluster kitchen a few weeks ago. Lively and adorable, in a simple fish bowl. Didn't know who owned it, though, but it looks like it was constantly fed.

It's been a few days since I last returned to my dorm, and

the goldfish died. lying on its side on the base of the fish bowl. i shouldn't have looked. everytime i see something die i see the face of death. i wish someone would clear it. i won't be stepping into the kitchen for quite some time 'cause if no one clears it i would see the fish decay.

then i'll see the face of hades too.

Retail Therapy

Home after 2 weeks away, and I recieved the best homecoming greeting ever :)

Why I blog

I should have been doing my Japanese homework.

But somehow, I'm glad I spent some time looking back to my past posts, even those dating back less than a year. I can see how much I've changed since then.

New preoccupations, new opportunities, stuff like that. Things I never imagined I would experience, now laid on my table in all their abundance.

I can hardly believe that there'll be more to this. But I know I have to.

At least I'm in good hands, that's for sure :)

Step out

There are some things in life now that I'd rather not go through.

On the brighter side, that's part and parcel of taking up any kind of responsibility. I just need my dose of Initiative again LOL.

Then again, this beats cooping up myself at home playing video games (like last December), anytime. OK actually I still don't know which is better.

Eat snake watch this.

Just as I was pondering whether to take a power nap before I continue with my Lab Report, along came Joel's tip-off.

Goodness... they sure know how to have fun LOL.

Bites

I want one of this.

I've decided to invest on nice headgears recently, and the easily identifiable Domo-kun might make a nice addition to the collection. Hmm...

Shagged but satisfied

Halfway through my Lab Report.

It's been a long time since I've felt this exhilaration that comes with learning. I've been praying yesterday about my initial goals of entering University that I've laid out, one of which being the pursuit of knowledge.

'cause I needed some reminder at times :)

And while I shouldn't be saying such things only after reaching the mid of my 2nd semester, I should be fully aware that by selecting my major I've essentially taken up a profession. I'm getting trained in a craft now.

Just a different way of saying "mugging", and it now makes staying up till 4 a.m. worthwhile.

In case I need to spell it out, this post is an indicator that life is finally back to normal. XD

So,

So you can relate after all!

Man I sure envy you for whatever you've gone through. But it's no use envying; God has his own timing for me XD.

Thanks though, for showing me that I'm not alone in this.

Let's show the world who's right!

It remains

Felt much better after talking with Steph over MSN a few days ago, and with Liwei over dinner today.

There's still a thick line between opening myself up to God and opening myself up to people, and there's still no reason I should ignore the inner demons of mine, namely my limiting beliefs and my unsound fear.

I finally realised why I used to be unable to put self-awareness together with selfless faith in God. My way of "trusting God" has always been in such a way that I'll automatically shut myself off the issues in my life and insist that everything's all right. I really have no idea where I rubbed that off from LOL.

I must now choose to be aware of my inner demons and trust God at the same time. Instead of deluding myself out of my problems in the name of "trusting God".

OK I shall do myself some justice here: Lately I did try to solve my outward, skin-deep problems while putting my full trust in God.

But I was allowed to be put through this little setback to show me, it's now time I get transformed on the inside too.

Same nature of a trust, on different levels of my being, and I got scared stiff already.

God, show me the way. This is gonna be a rough ride.

Tainted

is the word.

I love the way the characters are portrayed in Evangelion. In the words of the director, they're all sick.

And their issues were presented in a very raw way. So raw, it's therapeutic.

The music shall not end here

Though I should say, our poor attempt at "songwriting" when everyone's groggy at 7 a.m. wasn't exactly a good idea!

It's been nice working together. All those late nights of practices, supper talks, and all the side stories that happened during some of the practices, will take a special place in my memory.

And all the stuff that could go wrong with quarter-inches during a performance! LOL.

Glad to have met you guys. Rock on!

Shaken

I wouldn't have shared what I've shared if not to show that, after all the shit that's happened, 我彻底死心了。

Just that I've been shaken, a lot, by almost everything that followed.

Shaken because? Because whatever I've been internalising, whatever I'm becoming, whatever I've been growing into is now shattered by one single word.

"Wrong."

So life is not that simple after all. So I have to go back to playing guessing games all over again. So I'm no longer in control after all.

It sucks. Like, sucks.

I have relinquished ownership of my life long enough. Not in the sense of leaving my life to God, but in the sense of being totally irresponsible and not caring about what I do and how I behave, and insisting that I could remain the way I was. And actually succeed in life.

Until that ray of hope came by, telling me that it's not that out of my control after all.

I'm still utterly convinced.

But then came the impact, just enough to shake me. To the core.

I don't feel safe, at all. I felt like I'm being thrown into the cold dark world once again. I wish I could stay in the hot shower for good. It's cold outside.

But I'm obviously out of the shower now, typing this post from wherever I am.

And it's cold inside me too. Freezing cold.

That seems to be the reality I've constructed for myself. All this while.

The bubble I've blown, just enough to keep me warm and hopeful within this reality of mine,

burst.

And here I am, forced to gaze upon my past hurts again. Wounds still festering and even rotting away now. Wounds cut into me, since the day I was born.

Still there. Nothing's changed.

Don't worry, friend. It's not about you, it's about me.

The scariest thing is, God is clearly in charge. In charge of all that's happening now.

I need to be alone. Not even alone with God, but alone.

Check

By the time the beautiful summer comes I want to:

• Give more time to my Japanese Studies module
  
• Think more like a chemist
  
• Pray to Him more (- . -)
  
• Open up my bright and sunny world (^ o ^)
  
• Run for Music Director in VOICES
  
• Get back into...business (o . O)

Then, summer will be exciting. Very exciting.

Thrown back

Why am I thrown back into the unnecessary questions I've been posing to myself just a year ago, all over again? I've been stupid then, I believe. Is my mind aging backwards now?

Things are really not as easy as I thought. Not when I can no longer avoid the fact that I've been thinking in extremes for the past few months of changing my mindset.

Things are never just black and white. I should have known better.

I've been lazy.

Now that I've almost entirely transformed my principles and what I stand for, I now face an impact that might just shake me from the very foundation up.

Only if I allow it to. I tell myself. Only if I allow it to.

Overcast

The sky has never been that overcast since... quite some time ago. Kind of reflects my mood now.

While following all the self-help shit did take me to where I want to be, I now realised, upon touching down, that this is not even a destination. Just another step to a greater destiny I've been missing out on for the last 10 years of my life.

Ugh. Emo shit.

God, how do I proceed? I'm still relying on self-effort ain't I?

Google it

They say Google is now a verb. How true.

Google ＝ グーグル　＝＞　「グーグる」。Group 1 verb. Various forms include:

A: 「はい、今　グーグりま～す！」

B: 「君、先に　グーグったん　でしょ？」

A: 「いや、グーグらなっかたんです。」

B: 「さぁ．．．」

もしも、そんな風に、「ブログ」なら　「ブロぐ」になっちゃうの？そして．．．

「ブロぎます」「ブロがない」「ブロいでください」「ブロ．．．」

困ったなぁ．．．

Oh Shit

Oh shit. Haven't done homework for Japanese tutorial tomorrow! Can I just submit my 2 posts as my LAJ homework?

Kidding la.

And yes, it probably isn't very big news, but I just passed JLPT 4. Woohoo!

"Go & die la!"

Awakening

やっと　目が覚めた。

君は僕のタイプじゃない　と　覚悟しちゃった。早すぎて　あんな結論に着いたことを今さえ　思い出して、ちょっぴり恥ずかしい　と思う。

もうすぐ治るよ。

この大きな自我のせいで、まずは　「軽蔑　されちゃった」　しか　考えてなかった。でも今、君の話を信じることにした。キリストの姉妹として、信じます。

僕も、いよいよ　大人のように　問題を解決できることになっちゃったさぁ（笑）。だが　主はきっと 「こいつの人生は　まだ完全じゃないよ」　と思い、　僕に教えたい事も　まだいっぱいあるかなぁ　っと　思ってる。

期待するぞ！そして僕の　「あの人」　も、きっといつか出会える。そう信じます。

Before I move on

実は、悔しいよ。

もしも　君と友達として　もっと長い時間を過ごした後、　君にそう聞いたら、その返事はきっと違うかなぁ　と　思ってた。

でも、もう聞いた。早すぎて　聞いた。

すでに事実になったよ、と自分に言って、納得して、もう　あきらめ　ちゃった。

君が言ったどうりだ。僕のことをはっきり知っていない。僕も、君のことを思ったより知っていません。

驚かせて、ごめん。

ただ、ちゃんと気持ちを伝って、ずっと気になるあの可能性を確認したら進んだつもりだった。

でも　結局、僕が全然間違いました。

あの日から、君が悩んでるそうだったが、何のこっとで悩んでるか知らなかったけど．．．

ゆうべ、悩んでる事を聞いて、すごく感動した　(　もう　「そんな」　感動じゃなくて　ご安心を!　)。友達にその程心配されるのは初めだったよ。本当だ。それで、君のような友達を出来て　ギザ　嬉かった。

それに、僕の誤解は君のせいじゃなくて、安心してね。

あのコンサートや、先週のいろんな事や、コンサートの準備のすべて　など　とゆう　思い出　を　怖がりそうになちゃった。今も　まだ　あんまり　思い出したくないけど、きっと治るから、心配しないで。

今晩会うことを楽しんでいます。友情を直したいから、会いたいです。じゃ、また　後で。

Cherish

One can learn to cherish the moments when he's genuinely happy only after getting totally drained of it.

But will the other lessons stay with him as well? Hope they will.

Still in muddy pants and damp socks, but I'm definitely out of the mire.

It helps, after all these, to know that I've gotten myself a true friend.

And I can finally look into the mirror. And smile. Again.

XD

Caged?

I'm glad to have been part of Joel's Impressario experience!

Though I should say, that evening was a difficult one for me. Sound monitors permeated every spot in the backstage area (of course I know why). Our item was long over (the 2nd item in the first category of the day) and when I really needed some quietness I realised there was nowhere I could go.

Once again I was thankful for the company of friends. I was especially surprised to have run into Jon who was providing photo coverage for the event.

And pigging out with Roger and guys at the Tzu Char stall.

At least, I managed to look like I was simply too tired.

But

しかし、

気分転換は　ちょっと　難しい　でしょ？

Then again, it feels exactly like the void right after Emerge. Which kind of means that technically speaking, it's no big deal.

hUh?

Nvm.

As it turned out

2 alternatives. Sleep the day away in my PGP bunk, or to actually study.

I should have joined Kee Onn and guys at YIH earlier instead of trying to focus in my bunk until I fell into a one-hour sleep before realising that I just cannot mug alone in whatever state of mind I'm in now.

Quite a long sentence huh, disorganised just like my thoughts are right now.

Anyway, the wasted pile of scrap that was me came to my senses and went off to YIH, still adamant on studying alone in the Study Room. Moments later I finally decided that I really needed the company of friends to get me off my brooding (oh yes I am brooding).

So in the end I actually managed to study.

Still, the company of friends hints of a tinge of fun, and to put it in the facebook context that means...

LOL. Goodness I resisted the temptation to switch on my laptop.

Liberte - NUS Voices Emerge 2009

Me in my duet item with Cen, 王子的新衣. Love this shot, Chris!

I still remember my post about VOICES when I first joined.

Yesterday, we finally delivered our very own annual production.

It was an ardous process for us... from brainstorming about the concept to auditioning for the songs, changing songs, catching chords for the songs, practising dances, vocals and live band.

All in four months. Sounds like a lot of time until you really try doing it.

Still, the moment on stage was priceless.

I must say, being part of the organising committee, my focus was spread almost throughout the entire production, instead of having to worry about just that one single item. Cen, my partner for the item, also had his time constraints but when we came together we managed to gel together quickly. As we both agreed, we'll have no time for cheorographed stage movements and stuff; raw emotion will suffice o_O.

I've learnt valuable lessons on leadership from directing live band as well. The guitarists on fire, the keyboardists pushing the envelope of synth sound usage, the drummers driving the whole song forward, and the bassists doing the same... we had our limitations, we had our worries. In the end we managed to pull through. Thank you guys =).

I still remember my other post about the whole idea of performing on stage and wowing audiences.

I now realised it's hard to feel the exhilaration of the audience during the performance when all you're doing is running back and forth the backstage looking for people, preparing for items, touching up on makeup, and so on. All we could do is believe that we did it. And from the looks of things, it's not blind faith after all.

2 songs I've sung for the production, 王子的新衣 (duet with Cen) & 无乐不作 (bass & backup). 2 very different songs, both of which have very powerful lyrics. I'm glad to have shared the emotions in the songs with you guys.

王子的新衣

我睡了一觉却更觉得疲劳 头发纠结像一把稻草
在镜子前面穿了又再脱掉 透过皮肤看得到心跳
两条锁骨苍白的线条 挂著隐形沈重的背包
我的赤裸没人看到 就像讲话没人了

沙发变成电椅 让人麻痹
对话的只有冷气 在为我叹息

如果 王子的新衣 可以让我挑选 我的动脉会被看见
宁可危险 有些疯癫 没有遮掩
穿著 王子的新衣 在人群面前 想看看你们疯狂的脸
会爱我 不爱我 不必敷衍
冒著绝对的风险 是靠在我胸前 还是说再见

我洗了一个澡 烟雾缠绕 突然很喜欢氧气的稀薄
地板的水有个旋涡 我常常幻想能被他吞噬掉
身上的水不想擦掉 在床上会躺成独特的符号
等世界需要对我骚扰 当它是我的海报

你说你的道理 我不反击
但这是我的游戏 有我的规矩

领口很透明 可以算计 喉结跳动的频率
双手拥抱的用力 你看得清
我的肩 我的膝 受伤留下的痕迹
我愿意 都透明 全部透明

我的 王子的新衣 依然挂在房间 等待机会出场表演
到那一天 或许我会 不再无言

无乐不作

想搜集夏天的热 穿越条幸福的河
想做吞大象的蛇 不自量力说真的 有何不可 我想写歌

当天是空的 地是干的 我要为你倒进狂热
让你疯狂 让你渴 让全世界知道你是我的
天气疯了 海水滚了 所以我要无乐不作
不要浪费每一刻快乐 当梦的天行者

像你这样的天使 该有翅膀和名字
该美丽中带着刺 该很认真的属于我一次

Welcome to my World

You're the guest, and you'll be glad I let you in. Welcome.

"Marie" by Takako Matsu

Before you start wondering what it's all about, it's that silly game we're all playing on facebook now. I did have quite a laugh when I finally tried it. Enjoy :)

---

Instructions

1. Put iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.


IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
不值得 - Dream FM
(It helps in life to know how to say no... but isn't this a bit too extreme?)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GIRL?
对爱渴望 - 杨宗纬
(Of course, aside from being attractive, she'd best be keen on being loved as well, yeah?)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Hello - Electrico
(True... my social energy is indeed quite high today)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
情人的眼泪 - 不能说的秘密 OST
(Living for my lover's tears? Hmm... I was expecting something like 宝贵十架... nvm)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
The Tusken Camp and the Homestead - Star Wars OST
(Geek!)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
For the sake of the Call - Steven C Chapman
(Wow, am I really that Holy Moley?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Not Home Yet - Steven C Chapman
(LOL. Time to play!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
夏日 (Summertime) - WAT
(Yes. Summer Vacation, please come!)

WHAT IS 2+2?
20 Candles - Takako Matsu
(Wow. Great Math.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
豆腐宅急便 - Initial D Movie OST
(...)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
永久に共に (Together Forever) - KobuKuro
(Romantic 到...)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
I Stand Alone - Takako Matsu
(T.T)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
長いため息のように (Like a Long Sigh) - Briliant Green
(I where got so eMo!!!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
法廷の風景 (Court Scene) - HERO OST
(Just "Together Forever" a moment ago... and now we're sueing each other. Wow.)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Chasing The Wind - All Saints Church Music Ministry
("Such a disappointment...")

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
谁会改变我 - 杨宗纬
(I can't bear to watch.)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
真爱地图 - F.I.R
(Hopefulness in the midst of eMo. Cool.)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
自导自演的悲剧 - David Tao
(Morbid.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
三千 - Z Chen
(Since when have I made myself that many friends?)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
片方づつの Earphone (Earbuds) - Hirai Ken
(Yea, cup earphones are so much better!)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Yes Or No - A*Mei
(Like I'll die hearing Xiaoqian sing or something...)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
浪漫手机 - Jay Chou
(To be precise, I regret my past ATTEMPTS at showing interest using SMSes...)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
河滨公园 - SHE
(On the contary, it almost made me cry...)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Why - YUI
(Huh.)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
No Better Place - Steven C Chapman
(See, my iPod knows me best >_-)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
让时间开口 - Z Chen
(OK... letting time solve everything, quite scary indeed...)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
没有你 - Z Chen
(T.T)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Kiss Me - 6 Pence None the Richer
(...)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
My Anata - David Tao
(Ouch.)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Marie - Takako Matsu