Felt much better after talking with Steph over MSN a few days ago, and with Liwei over dinner today.
There's still a thick line between opening myself up to God and opening myself up to people, and there's still no reason I should ignore the inner demons of mine, namely my limiting beliefs and my unsound fear.
I finally realised why I used to be unable to put self-awareness together with selfless faith in God. My way of "trusting God" has always been in such a way that I'll automatically shut myself off the issues in my life and insist that everything's all right. I really have no idea where I rubbed that off from LOL.
I must now choose to be aware of my inner demons and trust God at the same time. Instead of deluding myself out of my problems in the name of "trusting God".
OK I shall do myself some justice here: Lately I did try to solve my outward, skin-deep problems while putting my full trust in God.
But I was allowed to be put through this little setback to show me, it's now time I get transformed on the inside too.
Same nature of a trust, on different levels of my being, and I got scared stiff already.
God, show me the way. This is gonna be a rough ride.
