Walk on.

I have decided to post this last week (or was it the week before?). Anyway, this is about my walk with God.

I think in the past (for months, in fact), I could pray and read the Bible and whatever, but I just did not seem to be worshipping a God who loves me unconditionally. I was getting into a routine.
And worst still, I got caught up in a lot of issues ranging from "Should I read Harry Potter Book 5?" to "Should I use this image for my blog's skin?" I'm serious!

"And what are you doing to bring your friends to Christ huh, Weiquan?"

And I couldn't get out of infatuation. At that time. Pretty silly, that was.

OK.

So there I was, eating out with my Mom, feeling very depressed (like a few other days. Worse, in fact), pondering whether I was truly saved. Talk about being saved because of faith. Why do we all doubt huh?

Anyway, at one point when I couldn't take it any more, I just told God that I needed his presence, or I wanted his presence in my life, which was becoming far too dry (spiritually) for the taking.

Get this... I felt much better. It felt... almost like heaven.

I know there're loads of stuff in my life that are not the way they should be... like the fact that I still haven't told my Dad I'm a Christian. BUt then if I told my Dad I'm a Christian my Mom would be persecuted too, and... ... OK. Call that an excuse if you want. I don't really know. Sometimes there's a voice in me equating an unpersecuted Christian to scum.

And the fact that I can't go Church weekly. Quarrelled with Mom over that last evening again.

"Put your study first huh? Other things can be put aside!"

Crap! Load of crap!

But on further thinking, it's not that I get to go church if I tell my Dad anyway. I've always been the "cannot-anyhow-go-out" guy. Will it change if I tell Dad I'm now a member of the group of people he hates the most?

So, in the end I'm just a coward.

*Turns around*

Where's all of God's invitation of friendship which I was drawn to when I made the decision on Easter 2004?

I really need the confirmation of God's love in my life.

Read this article just now on Harvest Times online (it's in my links list) about God's love having the power to change us.

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John (one of Jesus's closest disciples) saw himself as a person whom God loved deeply. He saw this even in his immaturity, and as a result, he was radically changed....

The secret John discovered is the truth of God’s delight for His people. This is the secret the Holy Spirit desires us all to share. John was filled with human weakness but became fearless in love.

...

Deep within our hearts, we long to be lovers of God. But discouragement wars against us when we look at our cold, passionless hearts and question if it is possible for them to be set on fire. As weak human beings, we often see ourselves only as failures. But Jesus does not define us by our “immaturity.”

God has purposed from the time of our new birth that we identify ourselves according to the way He feels about us and by what He declares over our lives regarding the righteousness of Christ.

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Can I see myself the way God sees me from now on? I want to.