Snippets from SHINE

I'm glad we came through for our gig at Orchard yesterday! Both for VOICES and REIS.

4 practices in total for VOICES, changes here and there during the sessions, getting bold and experimental: Roger on bass, Joel catching exact string parts, and me on drums. DRUMS!!!

3 practice sessions for REIS. Looking back, we've been pretty bold indeed!

Be it with VOICES at the crowded front of Wisma Atria or with REIS at the panoramic Ngee Ann City Civic Plaza, nothing quite beats performing right out there in the open. I should probably say that I felt less nervous than in my gigs at Ben & Jerry's 'cause...

• I generally feel more relaxed in open spaces
• The sound system was better. I could really blast my bass!
• The Stormtroopers from 501st Legion somewhat gave me an ego boost.

~

Jane Doe (DJ from 91.3): "Hi, you are?"

在下: "Weiquan."

JD: "Hmm..."

在下: "Is Isaiah easier to remember?"

JD: "Ah yes, Isaiah! Alright."

... ...

在下: "... yes, and REIS stands for Roger, Evan, Isaiah and Sanjay."

JD: "OK. How do I spell your name again?"

在下: "i-s-a-i-a-h."

JD: "Oh... that Isaiah!"

在下: "Yes. That one! :)"

JD: "So you watch Grey's Anatomy!"

在下: "... "

~

Evan: "So, are you happy?"

在下: "I should be."

Rhythm

Drumming is a totally different experience. Altogether.

I'm so close to saying that the exhilaration it gives beats that which I get from singing.

Step 2

This is going slower than planned.

I've finally finished Emo Intel out of the tons of books I bought for the summer.

And now, after getting to understand the nature of emotions and how they build up or drag down the individual, depending on how he or she manages it, I'm now moving on to getting inspirations for how exactly to manage those emotions.

"Changes that Heal" by Dr Henry Cloud. From my random browsing I found some honest accounts of very personal issues that people might face, and scriptural answers to them. Now after going through the introductory chapters which kind of promised some practical aspects of growing in God's image and likeness - an idea frequently brought up, but not that easily defined - I'm really looking forward to the rest of the journey.

Back to my study room then!

In His time

Yesterday's cell was especially edifying. Almost all of us served in Student Camp, and we've all had our very own tiny (some not so tiny) encounters with God, and opportunities to serve Him.

And sometimes, God just raises us up for the occasion, under very short notice!

I'm glad to say that I've found one of my areas of calling. But it's just one, and I'm sure there're more.

Burdens come and go. In different times we see different people in need, but who will I be called to minister to? This time round I've been reading Emotional Intelligence by Goleman, and in the cases described in the book I see people missing out on the fullness of life because of a missing ingredient in their life: EQ.

Fights, destructive relationships, lives broken by the onslaught of negative emotions, and all we need is to handle our emotions better.

That could be learnt (or for some, re-learnt) with external help.

Which brought back to mind my distant interest in Social Work modules in University.

I still have yet to make my choice for my Minor, and I'll still be doing J-Studies modules. But I should probably take a closer look at SW in the following semesters.

Still, God, even in all these, even when I know that everything will only happen in Your own time, I guess I won't cease pleading with you about that small request of mine. The frustration has awakened all over again, and I doubt it ever will go away.

I know I sound like a brat, but I'm sick of waiting.

OMG

I was very grateful that God used me after all, for ASC Student Camp, when it first seemed impossible.

And just when I thought I'd merely "session" for them during the daily worship services 'cause I had other CCA admin stuff to settle, I eventually decided to stay in because of the early hours of the practices and services.

I guess spending the wee hours outside home for that number of days gave me the time and the ambience I needed for some time alone with God.

During the BBQ on the final day, among Zhihao's PA system playlist there was "5 loaves 2 fish" by Corrinne May, a song about surrender, that came into my life during a time when I really needed that moment of surrender to God.

To surrender my... delusion that I could take things into my own hands easily, I suppose.

I went off alone to that dark classroom block to pray. About many things.

Among which was my frustration that I never seemed to be able to be fully satisfied in God Himself. I was still chasing after the kinds of love that I wanted, or I thought I wanted. Those desires were real, and relevant, I believe. They remain very much so, and I believe they're from God.

But I could go so far as to say that I won't be satisfied; I WON'T REST until one day when my desires are met.

And though I've gotten enough timely messages from God to never doubt His existence ever again, truth was, to me He's just like a pen pal, a one-way Skype friend. We communicate at a distance. Only He was a webcam. Sure, I've recieved a few "e-mails", but what I knew of Him was based on information. Concrete, yes, but just information.

And I know there can never be a day when we can sit down and have tea and talk just like friends do. Before I go home to His Kingdom, that is.

So for now, this is the furthest our communication could go.

...

"How could I possibly be satisfied like that?" I asked God.

~

After I got a bit better I went back to my bunk which was also the venue for the camp prayer cell, and Qinglin was making this passing comment about being surprised at someone saying it's easy to believe in the Christian faith.

In an equally passing comment, I said I'd probably say the same. It's just information based faith, after all.

I was surprised at how, at that moment, I easily took Shuyi's reply to that comment of mine, 'cause I feel a tad reserved now even as I put it into words when I recount that conversation.

"Perhaps you haven't really met God yet."

But I had to say, I was suddenly opened to possibilities that lay before me and I chose not to see.

To think that I dared say that this was the furthest level of fellowship I could go with God. When in my last post I was still praying for "something better".

WHEN GOD HAS ALREADY GIVEN ME HIS BEST! HE GAVE HIS LIFE FOR ME!

There's definitely more I can seek, and God can always reveal more of Himself to me. And here, I'll ask Him to.

"Please."

Wait

The word is still regret. Regret that I've killed something that's alive. Like cutting off a bud before it could bear flower and fruit. Like boiling an egg so that the chick could never be born.

So, the hungry man who could have had spring chicken now has only a hard bolied egg to show for it.

God opens up opportunities, and when he decides to open doors he'll open them anyway.

Just that now, because I sought early gratification, these opportunities, now hollowed by my act of folly, stare back at me in mockery.

But if I so fervently commit to prayer, would he not give me something new, something better? He will, whether I believe it or not. Just that if I keep on refusing to wait in faith, I'd destroy everything.

So I'll whine, but I'll wait.

Deliver

The key word for my next 3 weeks will be: Deliver.

I have my time constraints, and I might really be too stretched out. Still, I don't need that much time; I just need to make full use for whatever little time I have for everything.

And deliver.

thank You for the music

I'm very much looking forward to my next gig with R.E.I. (still a tentative name).

Good that all of us are quickly building on our repertoire (the foundation of which was laid by quick upgrades from Evan's acostic solo sets). I guess one of the best things about us is that we all sing, and we all had experiences in directing bands. 'Cause this means we get our turns to sing lead vocals, we can do 3-part harmony like nobody's business, and all of us have some kind of ownership in our "open-source" repertiore in general.

I was so on high from singing "Wherever You Will Go" during yesterday's jamming!

And I do see myself going somewhere serving in church music ministry, compared to the previous few months when things got a bit dry. I guess the sharing in the previous ministry gathering about the importance of skills in a worship band did help me loosen up a bit from that highly reserved state I used to find myself in when playing for service.

That means I can afford to be more expressive, and now I'm more ready to try new things out. I kind of surprised myself with that agogo-ish bassline for that song which I haven't heard before that session but they all called "ancient", LOL.