I'm glad, somehow, that I have the previlege of getting in touch with my friends' lives through blogsurfing... beats going on for hours around totally unrelated sites anytime.
Most of us, in the prime of our youth, in our growing pains, are facing problems by the day... getting disillusioned and frustrated with things, people, situations and systems, or maybe just pissed that today really WASN'T your day.
With a tinge of regret.
More than a few of us out there are in the process of self-discovery, maturity, integration, actualisation, whatever-you-call-it... and no one can really merely dismiss us for whining.
There're a few facing the exact problems as mine, and I really wish I can talk more with them about... life? Some self-help group like the "Alcoholics Anonymous"?
"Hi, I'm Isaiah and I'm a social disaster."
Haha.
One writer I've been reading recently applauded the use of the term "Inner Child" for our subconscious mind. It's really like a child, like a spoilt brat, calling out for more, more and more. For people like me it's my inferior complex. Some people would try to help... try to get you to stop listening to the I.C. Others will show you contempt and put you down, and no thanks for that.
I really can't express my thanks more for even the slightest encouragement.
Hmm.
Been reading C.S. Lewis' takes on how putting one's focus on Heaven makes more than a few Christians trailblazers and history makers. While I totally agree with his views and hold them in high esteem, I realised the stark contrast between the period of time (Sec 4) when I was totally immersed in my faith and my wild fantasies (in a good sense) about the coming eternal life, and the present time where I rarely set my focus on the Kingdom and instead worry myself over issues like singlehood (very often) and ended up crying out to God about singlehood being "worse than death".
Don't get me wrong. My faith in Christ is real, and I totally believe in justification by faith, and the like. What I realised about myself is that while still being the person I was during my conversion (childish, introverted, self-centred, etc.), I put all the attention on my faith (which isn't a bad thing in itself at all) but neglected self-development.
Though I shuddered after reading the accounts of what I'll call "loners-in-Christ" (total hermits I-don't-know-what-you're-doing-all-these-time-praying-at-home" kind of people), I realised that they might have been people who interacted and immersed themselves in society enough, and mature enough to decide for themselves the lives they wanted to live (though I really can't agree with the "no secular books and music" part). Me? I was all against being a Medieval monk myself, but the "alternative activities" I engaged in were nonetheless done alone.
I don't blame my faith, as it clearly encourages me to get to know people more (Phillipians 2:4), but I always kept it as a desire in my heart, and surprisingly I was able to face myself and God guiltless when I clearly haven't adressed this desire.
And while recieving my encouragements and guidance from God's word regularly I didn't give myself a chance at self-discovery, a chance at trying very hard and failing. Yes, they say the Bible is a mirror that tells you the stuff you need to know about yourself, but I clearly couldn't know much if I spent the time all alone.
Now that I'm trying to expose myself to the world I don't want to forget the source of my spiritual nourishment. That's about my whole point.
I will still whine to God and people about my current state, and I concede that some of my very atheist readers (actually I'm talking about only one person) wouldn't even read beyond the first half of my post, and that I'll make even more emo posts after this. However, all of you who can figure out my unspoken prayers and are helping me, really, thanks.
