I guess that means I'll have to take Organic Chem again next semester. In every other way, things are better than the previous Semesters, so next Sem if I can finally nail Organic, things will take a good turn.
I mean a good turn divided by 2.
Somehow because of this shit that happened, I'm less anxious at clearing my 2000s by the end of year 2 -- it has now become impossible anyway. All I'm having questions about is where God is leading everything in relation to, erm, matters of the heart.
My confidence at taking things further suffered a hull breach when CM2121 gave me the _|_. For that split second, questions upon questions about my supposed future career came upon me and for once I fully realised the importance of having a future which I can then lead someone into.
I'm improving, albeit too slowly. Too slowly. I suddenly have the urge to punish myself by delaying gratification until the end of the next Sem, when I can finally chalk up better grades to... prove myself? Prove my worthiness? Worthiness of what? By God's standards I'm not worthy of anything and everything I've been given had been grace. This pursuit of mine in question is going to be so much more of a grace from God.
But I guess, in spite of the little struggle I've just reportedly been through, I'm not the waiting kind. I foresee I'll be fine in the few days to come, when we'll next meet. What immediately follows will be crucial. Whether this tiny series of events will be a foretaste of things to come next Semester, I don't wanna know. All I know is that I might not want to do uncalculated things like ripping off my own heart in the middle of a Semester, again.
