2nd chance at a huge price

I guess that means I'll have to take Organic Chem again next semester. In every other way, things are better than the previous Semesters, so next Sem if I can finally nail Organic, things will take a good turn.

I mean a good turn divided by 2.

Somehow because of this shit that happened, I'm less anxious at clearing my 2000s by the end of year 2 -- it has now become impossible anyway. All I'm having questions about is where God is leading everything in relation to, erm, matters of the heart.

My confidence at taking things further suffered a hull breach when CM2121 gave me the _|_. For that split second, questions upon questions about my supposed future career came upon me and for once I fully realised the importance of having a future which I can then lead someone into.

I'm improving, albeit too slowly. Too slowly. I suddenly have the urge to punish myself by delaying gratification until the end of the next Sem, when I can finally chalk up better grades to... prove myself? Prove my worthiness? Worthiness of what? By God's standards I'm not worthy of anything and everything I've been given had been grace. This pursuit of mine in question is going to be so much more of a grace from God.

But I guess, in spite of the little struggle I've just reportedly been through, I'm not the waiting kind. I foresee I'll be fine in the few days to come, when we'll next meet. What immediately follows will be crucial. Whether this tiny series of events will be a foretaste of things to come next Semester, I don't wanna know. All I know is that I might not want to do uncalculated things like ripping off my own heart in the middle of a Semester, again.

Home Home

I totally get what Kelvin said about not wanting to shop in SG again. For some reason, stuff's always cheaper outside Singapore, be it US or Batam!

Still, going to 2 neighbouring countries within this short week (on church assignments for both) made me stop and think about how much I've taken the clean and orderly streets of Singapore (and the traffic lights!!) for granted. National Education can't do shit, seriously, while an overseas trip or two was all it took to make me treasure my home country and the level of creature comfort and religious freedom that we enjoy. Now I can finally truly say, there's no place I'd rather be.

Still, it's good training for next summer, when I'll be out teaching music to kids in the plains of Mongolia, if Steph & gang's plans come to fruition.

Since I last blogged

I've

• Taken my exams. Urgh.
• Braved JLPT2 after mugging for 2 days.
• Participated in church camp and now feel more spiritually revitalised than ever (and finally grew tired of prawns)
• Gone for my first short mission trip with my church to Batam and having my life changed by a S$5 polo tee.
• Gotten sore fingers from playing Bass.

... and I'll be

• Doing posters for Campus Fellowship activities the next semester
• Carolling and spreading the Good News at Dhoby Ghaut on, of all days, Dec 22
• (while trying to keep the BAD news out of my mind)
• Spending the most unromantic New Year's eve ever. With my BAND!

The next level for our band is so near yet so far, especially in times like this when the Ben & Jerry's Open Mic programme is being suspended and suddenly we realised that for now, we've lost our source of regular gigs. We've just gotta keep at doing what we love, and take active steps to improve. For me, "Improvement" in a very real sense might only be possible after Emerge, when I'll contemplate leaving VOICES.