I've come to a stage of having to think about life.
About self-worth... about purpose of existence... about accountability... about enjoyment...
and many other things.
Recently I've been asking myself, as the routine of work and sleep started sinking into my life (and I've realised it only now), what do I enjoy?
In any way. Enjoy doing, enjoy being with... just... enjoy. In the very sense of the word.
Music? Now music to me means so much more, after getting a professional keyboard. More than just listening. But analysing. And also making music. Musicians are supposed to have fun with music, and as one feels his way through, find a direction in which you can share yourself using sounds and notes.
But then, the real fun in music lies in being able to share it with others. And even better still, making music together with people!
Work? Bah... I've been through mornings wondering if I could just get sick and have a rest at home! But work really gives a reason for interaction, and I have really wonderful colleagues to make my day.
What's enjoyable is the interaction you have with co-workers, and serving people. The truth is that I might not value the service that I myself provide that much (which, from my point of view, has to be corrected). But no one's going to dread the chance to interact, I think.
Hobbies? Reading... collecting... buying... those are what I enjoy too.
But in the end it comes down to what I want. In life.
I've come to the conclusion that in the end what I enjoy is people.
Friends... my life partner (whom I'm still looking for)...
God...
A lot of the things I do I will regret doing, if not done together with (or among) others.
It's said that doing something without love makes it not worthwhile. I have to agree.
Recently I've lost some of the capacity to love. It just takes... effort. It doesn't flow. Doesn't pour out. But to me, it's supposed to be that way.
Still, I have to admit that the most enjoyable times are when I cross hearts with people. Really.
I can imagine that I'll be a very happy man when I finally find my life partner (as I always drone on about). Really... to me it's just amazing!
As for my faith... I've been led to think about very big questions... more like questions on definition actually... on what I enjoy as a Christian.
Doing things for God? Praying? Thinking about God's teachings? Marvelling at acts of love? All these things... per se?
One of the notes from Bible Study Fellowship has a statement about the ultimate aim of man being to "enjoy God".
That was very thought-provoking.
Have I been enjoying God as a person actually? I can enjoy actions related to my faith... but God as a person? His teachings aside... his deeds aside?
No wonder the apostles commended the believers in their letters for trusting God "whom you can't see". The barrier of sight was really much more immense than what I imagined it to be.
But I want to, and maybe that's the only thing I'm able to do as a Christian, to know God from this whole new viewpoint -- person to person.
In the end, I believe, we're created to enjoy God and each other. So enjoy!
