Chotto Matte Kudasai

Don't all go off at the same time, man!

2 projects from my J-Studies and J-Language module just got wrapped up today. Sui sui. Now as far as these 2 modules are concerned I'm down to the final exams.

I'm too lazy for words. But I should still say, most of my coursemates and I fell in love with Japan even more after the whole course, in ways that differ from person to person. I, for one, had a very different view of the Samurai before this course, and I came out with a very different impression of them. I've now seen the more human, everyday side of the Samurai, I guess.

And many other things, of course. Like the precarious balance that is the national identity of Japan. I totally had no idea.

And to my project group mates, nice working with you guys. I'm glad we embarked on this topic, somehow. It's got its academic value I daresay. Compared to sushi and samurai, that is :D

My favourite part of the research would go to the part on Meiji Restoration. Their obsession with achieving excellence was... mind blowing. And inspiring.

And I still don't buy the victim mindset of WW2 Japan. They can call me brainwashed by the victors' justice of the Allies, but I won't exactly say I believe the Allies; I only believe the tens of thousands of Chinese killed in WW2. I'm Chinese after all. and there're just some things we can never joke about, I think.

It was with mixed feelings that I slotted the term paper into Shumin's mailbox.

~

We've finally wrapped things up for LAJ presentation. Our improv was classic!

「ストレスに　なると (!)　」

and I'll check out more of 推背图 this summer.

~

And now my core modules, don't all come charging at me at once!

ooooookkkkkkaaaaayyyyy llooooorrrr

It's a refreshing experience, and it's amazing how things change when I start making an effort in pushing my limiting beliefs away.

After all, ultimately, those limiting beliefs just reflect one thing - my obsession with gaining the approval of man, something God said I shouldn't care about.

So I finally came to terms with the fact that I've been the one consciously conjuring up those ideas about myself, and this means I can really stop myself from thinking stuff like "I'm just an extra in the group" if I want to.

And I began to see how, bit by bit, my social interactions took on a positive change.

Today, while praying, I decided to just let it off a bit in my private (OK, not so private now) time with God, since I still needed an avenue for release. I was just about to start with "Actually huh, I felt rather ignored yesterd-"

"What is that to you? You follow Me."

-- John 21:22

Stunned.

It just came up my mind and I got hit by the truth of it. Out of context yes, but definitely not out of character for Him to give me such a word for a time like this.

OK lor.

Summer

Hole-y

I wanted to blog about how blessed I felt during Holy Week. I still will, but looks like I'm not going to be able to do it today.

This morning I was thinking I'd be able to clear 3 chapters of Organic Chemistry after dinner.

But I'm still doing my J-studies paper now. Should have been done before dinner time.

Slowness. And tiredness. Stared at laptop all day. DAMN good for the eyes. Already pondering the possibility of sleeping at 10 p.m. and waking up at 5 a.m. tomorrow to finally do some Chemistry and get stuff settled for the final Fellowship Cell Group for the Semester.

Am I still the Proud Science Student?

God use me. However unworthy I am.

Dark Nintendo Night

OK I have to say, this is awesome.

The fusion of 2 songs, with different chord progressions, that somehow fit together. Mario undergoes a key change to B Major to fit the B Minor of Dark Eternal Night. OK scratch "somehow". The fit is almost perfect!

Spark

It came this afternoon, in full force, when the dibenzylacetone-alcohol solution was boiling a tad too rigourously and some of it spilled over onto the heating pan. Somewhere close by the pan a spark burst forth with a loud 'pop' sound, so loud I wondered why no one turned to look.

I turned off my heating pan, thinking that it had short-circuited (and later found out that it hadn't, thank God).

And ended up stoning there for a minute or two.

I guess things have been building up for the past week. My lab report which I've just completed a moment ago, slightly overdue. My conversation with Xuande about rethinking my Major and job prospects... OK maybe just my Major. And I kind of amused myself when Jewel was asking how I've been juggling studies and CCA and my reply was a simple

"No, actually I haven't been juggling."

Yea, I haven't. I've compromised on my studies by quite a lot. I can rethink my fling with Chemistry at a later date, but as of this Semester I've got 2 Chem modules and 1 Life Science module and I'm still intent on getting my 4.5. Even after that disastrous Organic Chem quiz.

And that means going through my 2 textbooks faithfully, bit by painful bit.

~

Moving on is always easy. It requires a lot more effort and mental energy, however, to make sure I take the lessons learnt along with me as I move on.

Which is kind of strange, 'cause I also believe that the longest-lasting changes will always take place at sub-conscious level.

It will take another semester, I guess, to see how much more comfortable I've become with myself. And with people.

~

If I get to see Bass Clef, Miller and Santos the next Sem, I'll be a happy man :)

Chemistry

What happens when a chemist buys a new water bottle?

Cool. Such a turn-on. Go google hexagonal water. I can only wonder how much the turnover is for the catalytic inner coating. That's something which cannot be easily found out by titration...

Talk

A prayerful man is a happy man XD

A look too much

The goldfish came to our cluster kitchen a few weeks ago. Lively and adorable, in a simple fish bowl. Didn't know who owned it, though, but it looks like it was constantly fed.

It's been a few days since I last returned to my dorm, and

the goldfish died. lying on its side on the base of the fish bowl. i shouldn't have looked. everytime i see something die i see the face of death. i wish someone would clear it. i won't be stepping into the kitchen for quite some time 'cause if no one clears it i would see the fish decay.

then i'll see the face of hades too.

Retail Therapy

Home after 2 weeks away, and I recieved the best homecoming greeting ever :)

Why I blog

I should have been doing my Japanese homework.

But somehow, I'm glad I spent some time looking back to my past posts, even those dating back less than a year. I can see how much I've changed since then.

New preoccupations, new opportunities, stuff like that. Things I never imagined I would experience, now laid on my table in all their abundance.

I can hardly believe that there'll be more to this. But I know I have to.

At least I'm in good hands, that's for sure :)

Step out

There are some things in life now that I'd rather not go through.

On the brighter side, that's part and parcel of taking up any kind of responsibility. I just need my dose of Initiative again LOL.

Then again, this beats cooping up myself at home playing video games (like last December), anytime. OK actually I still don't know which is better.

Eat snake watch this.

Just as I was pondering whether to take a power nap before I continue with my Lab Report, along came Joel's tip-off.

Goodness... they sure know how to have fun LOL.

Bites

I want one of this.

I've decided to invest on nice headgears recently, and the easily identifiable Domo-kun might make a nice addition to the collection. Hmm...

Shagged but satisfied

Halfway through my Lab Report.

It's been a long time since I've felt this exhilaration that comes with learning. I've been praying yesterday about my initial goals of entering University that I've laid out, one of which being the pursuit of knowledge.

'cause I needed some reminder at times :)

And while I shouldn't be saying such things only after reaching the mid of my 2nd semester, I should be fully aware that by selecting my major I've essentially taken up a profession. I'm getting trained in a craft now.

Just a different way of saying "mugging", and it now makes staying up till 4 a.m. worthwhile.

In case I need to spell it out, this post is an indicator that life is finally back to normal. XD

So,

So you can relate after all!

Man I sure envy you for whatever you've gone through. But it's no use envying; God has his own timing for me XD.

Thanks though, for showing me that I'm not alone in this.

Let's show the world who's right!

It remains

Felt much better after talking with Steph over MSN a few days ago, and with Liwei over dinner today.

There's still a thick line between opening myself up to God and opening myself up to people, and there's still no reason I should ignore the inner demons of mine, namely my limiting beliefs and my unsound fear.

I finally realised why I used to be unable to put self-awareness together with selfless faith in God. My way of "trusting God" has always been in such a way that I'll automatically shut myself off the issues in my life and insist that everything's all right. I really have no idea where I rubbed that off from LOL.

I must now choose to be aware of my inner demons and trust God at the same time. Instead of deluding myself out of my problems in the name of "trusting God".

OK I shall do myself some justice here: Lately I did try to solve my outward, skin-deep problems while putting my full trust in God.

But I was allowed to be put through this little setback to show me, it's now time I get transformed on the inside too.

Same nature of a trust, on different levels of my being, and I got scared stiff already.

God, show me the way. This is gonna be a rough ride.

Tainted

is the word.

I love the way the characters are portrayed in Evangelion. In the words of the director, they're all sick.

And their issues were presented in a very raw way. So raw, it's therapeutic.

The music shall not end here

Though I should say, our poor attempt at "songwriting" when everyone's groggy at 7 a.m. wasn't exactly a good idea!

It's been nice working together. All those late nights of practices, supper talks, and all the side stories that happened during some of the practices, will take a special place in my memory.

And all the stuff that could go wrong with quarter-inches during a performance! LOL.

Glad to have met you guys. Rock on!

Shaken

I wouldn't have shared what I've shared if not to show that, after all the shit that's happened, 我彻底死心了。

Just that I've been shaken, a lot, by almost everything that followed.

Shaken because? Because whatever I've been internalising, whatever I'm becoming, whatever I've been growing into is now shattered by one single word.

"Wrong."

So life is not that simple after all. So I have to go back to playing guessing games all over again. So I'm no longer in control after all.

It sucks. Like, sucks.

I have relinquished ownership of my life long enough. Not in the sense of leaving my life to God, but in the sense of being totally irresponsible and not caring about what I do and how I behave, and insisting that I could remain the way I was. And actually succeed in life.

Until that ray of hope came by, telling me that it's not that out of my control after all.

I'm still utterly convinced.

But then came the impact, just enough to shake me. To the core.

I don't feel safe, at all. I felt like I'm being thrown into the cold dark world once again. I wish I could stay in the hot shower for good. It's cold outside.

But I'm obviously out of the shower now, typing this post from wherever I am.

And it's cold inside me too. Freezing cold.

That seems to be the reality I've constructed for myself. All this while.

The bubble I've blown, just enough to keep me warm and hopeful within this reality of mine,

burst.

And here I am, forced to gaze upon my past hurts again. Wounds still festering and even rotting away now. Wounds cut into me, since the day I was born.

Still there. Nothing's changed.

Don't worry, friend. It's not about you, it's about me.

The scariest thing is, God is clearly in charge. In charge of all that's happening now.

I need to be alone. Not even alone with God, but alone.

Check

By the time the beautiful summer comes I want to:

• Give more time to my Japanese Studies module
  
• Think more like a chemist
  
• Pray to Him more (- . -)
  
• Open up my bright and sunny world (^ o ^)
  
• Run for Music Director in VOICES
  
• Get back into...business (o . O)

Then, summer will be exciting. Very exciting.

Thrown back

Why am I thrown back into the unnecessary questions I've been posing to myself just a year ago, all over again? I've been stupid then, I believe. Is my mind aging backwards now?

Things are really not as easy as I thought. Not when I can no longer avoid the fact that I've been thinking in extremes for the past few months of changing my mindset.

Things are never just black and white. I should have known better.

I've been lazy.

Now that I've almost entirely transformed my principles and what I stand for, I now face an impact that might just shake me from the very foundation up.

Only if I allow it to. I tell myself. Only if I allow it to.

Overcast

The sky has never been that overcast since... quite some time ago. Kind of reflects my mood now.

While following all the self-help shit did take me to where I want to be, I now realised, upon touching down, that this is not even a destination. Just another step to a greater destiny I've been missing out on for the last 10 years of my life.

Ugh. Emo shit.

God, how do I proceed? I'm still relying on self-effort ain't I?

Google it

They say Google is now a verb. How true.

Google ＝ グーグル　＝＞　「グーグる」。Group 1 verb. Various forms include:

A: 「はい、今　グーグりま～す！」

B: 「君、先に　グーグったん　でしょ？」

A: 「いや、グーグらなっかたんです。」

B: 「さぁ．．．」

もしも、そんな風に、「ブログ」なら　「ブロぐ」になっちゃうの？そして．．．

「ブロぎます」「ブロがない」「ブロいでください」「ブロ．．．」

困ったなぁ．．．

Oh Shit

Oh shit. Haven't done homework for Japanese tutorial tomorrow! Can I just submit my 2 posts as my LAJ homework?

Kidding la.

And yes, it probably isn't very big news, but I just passed JLPT 4. Woohoo!

"Go & die la!"

Awakening

やっと　目が覚めた。

君は僕のタイプじゃない　と　覚悟しちゃった。早すぎて　あんな結論に着いたことを今さえ　思い出して、ちょっぴり恥ずかしい　と思う。

もうすぐ治るよ。

この大きな自我のせいで、まずは　「軽蔑　されちゃった」　しか　考えてなかった。でも今、君の話を信じることにした。キリストの姉妹として、信じます。

僕も、いよいよ　大人のように　問題を解決できることになっちゃったさぁ（笑）。だが　主はきっと 「こいつの人生は　まだ完全じゃないよ」　と思い、　僕に教えたい事も　まだいっぱいあるかなぁ　っと　思ってる。

期待するぞ！そして僕の　「あの人」　も、きっといつか出会える。そう信じます。

Before I move on

実は、悔しいよ。

もしも　君と友達として　もっと長い時間を過ごした後、　君にそう聞いたら、その返事はきっと違うかなぁ　と　思ってた。

でも、もう聞いた。早すぎて　聞いた。

すでに事実になったよ、と自分に言って、納得して、もう　あきらめ　ちゃった。

君が言ったどうりだ。僕のことをはっきり知っていない。僕も、君のことを思ったより知っていません。

驚かせて、ごめん。

ただ、ちゃんと気持ちを伝って、ずっと気になるあの可能性を確認したら進んだつもりだった。

でも　結局、僕が全然間違いました。

あの日から、君が悩んでるそうだったが、何のこっとで悩んでるか知らなかったけど．．．

ゆうべ、悩んでる事を聞いて、すごく感動した　(　もう　「そんな」　感動じゃなくて　ご安心を!　)。友達にその程心配されるのは初めだったよ。本当だ。それで、君のような友達を出来て　ギザ　嬉かった。

それに、僕の誤解は君のせいじゃなくて、安心してね。

あのコンサートや、先週のいろんな事や、コンサートの準備のすべて　など　とゆう　思い出　を　怖がりそうになちゃった。今も　まだ　あんまり　思い出したくないけど、きっと治るから、心配しないで。

今晩会うことを楽しんでいます。友情を直したいから、会いたいです。じゃ、また　後で。

Cherish

One can learn to cherish the moments when he's genuinely happy only after getting totally drained of it.

But will the other lessons stay with him as well? Hope they will.

Still in muddy pants and damp socks, but I'm definitely out of the mire.

It helps, after all these, to know that I've gotten myself a true friend.

And I can finally look into the mirror. And smile. Again.

XD

Caged?

I'm glad to have been part of Joel's Impressario experience!

Though I should say, that evening was a difficult one for me. Sound monitors permeated every spot in the backstage area (of course I know why). Our item was long over (the 2nd item in the first category of the day) and when I really needed some quietness I realised there was nowhere I could go.

Once again I was thankful for the company of friends. I was especially surprised to have run into Jon who was providing photo coverage for the event.

And pigging out with Roger and guys at the Tzu Char stall.

At least, I managed to look like I was simply too tired.

But

しかし、

気分転換は　ちょっと　難しい　でしょ？

Then again, it feels exactly like the void right after Emerge. Which kind of means that technically speaking, it's no big deal.

hUh?

Nvm.

As it turned out

2 alternatives. Sleep the day away in my PGP bunk, or to actually study.

I should have joined Kee Onn and guys at YIH earlier instead of trying to focus in my bunk until I fell into a one-hour sleep before realising that I just cannot mug alone in whatever state of mind I'm in now.

Quite a long sentence huh, disorganised just like my thoughts are right now.

Anyway, the wasted pile of scrap that was me came to my senses and went off to YIH, still adamant on studying alone in the Study Room. Moments later I finally decided that I really needed the company of friends to get me off my brooding (oh yes I am brooding).

So in the end I actually managed to study.

Still, the company of friends hints of a tinge of fun, and to put it in the facebook context that means...

LOL. Goodness I resisted the temptation to switch on my laptop.

Liberte - NUS Voices Emerge 2009

Me in my duet item with Cen, 王子的新衣. Love this shot, Chris!

I still remember my post about VOICES when I first joined.

Yesterday, we finally delivered our very own annual production.

It was an ardous process for us... from brainstorming about the concept to auditioning for the songs, changing songs, catching chords for the songs, practising dances, vocals and live band.

All in four months. Sounds like a lot of time until you really try doing it.

Still, the moment on stage was priceless.

I must say, being part of the organising committee, my focus was spread almost throughout the entire production, instead of having to worry about just that one single item. Cen, my partner for the item, also had his time constraints but when we came together we managed to gel together quickly. As we both agreed, we'll have no time for cheorographed stage movements and stuff; raw emotion will suffice o_O.

I've learnt valuable lessons on leadership from directing live band as well. The guitarists on fire, the keyboardists pushing the envelope of synth sound usage, the drummers driving the whole song forward, and the bassists doing the same... we had our limitations, we had our worries. In the end we managed to pull through. Thank you guys =).

I still remember my other post about the whole idea of performing on stage and wowing audiences.

I now realised it's hard to feel the exhilaration of the audience during the performance when all you're doing is running back and forth the backstage looking for people, preparing for items, touching up on makeup, and so on. All we could do is believe that we did it. And from the looks of things, it's not blind faith after all.

2 songs I've sung for the production, 王子的新衣 (duet with Cen) & 无乐不作 (bass & backup). 2 very different songs, both of which have very powerful lyrics. I'm glad to have shared the emotions in the songs with you guys.

王子的新衣

我睡了一觉却更觉得疲劳 头发纠结像一把稻草
在镜子前面穿了又再脱掉 透过皮肤看得到心跳
两条锁骨苍白的线条 挂著隐形沈重的背包
我的赤裸没人看到 就像讲话没人了

沙发变成电椅 让人麻痹
对话的只有冷气 在为我叹息

如果 王子的新衣 可以让我挑选 我的动脉会被看见
宁可危险 有些疯癫 没有遮掩
穿著 王子的新衣 在人群面前 想看看你们疯狂的脸
会爱我 不爱我 不必敷衍
冒著绝对的风险 是靠在我胸前 还是说再见

我洗了一个澡 烟雾缠绕 突然很喜欢氧气的稀薄
地板的水有个旋涡 我常常幻想能被他吞噬掉
身上的水不想擦掉 在床上会躺成独特的符号
等世界需要对我骚扰 当它是我的海报

你说你的道理 我不反击
但这是我的游戏 有我的规矩

领口很透明 可以算计 喉结跳动的频率
双手拥抱的用力 你看得清
我的肩 我的膝 受伤留下的痕迹
我愿意 都透明 全部透明

我的 王子的新衣 依然挂在房间 等待机会出场表演
到那一天 或许我会 不再无言

无乐不作

想搜集夏天的热 穿越条幸福的河
想做吞大象的蛇 不自量力说真的 有何不可 我想写歌

当天是空的 地是干的 我要为你倒进狂热
让你疯狂 让你渴 让全世界知道你是我的
天气疯了 海水滚了 所以我要无乐不作
不要浪费每一刻快乐 当梦的天行者

像你这样的天使 该有翅膀和名字
该美丽中带着刺 该很认真的属于我一次

Welcome to my World

You're the guest, and you'll be glad I let you in. Welcome.

"Marie" by Takako Matsu

Before you start wondering what it's all about, it's that silly game we're all playing on facebook now. I did have quite a laugh when I finally tried it. Enjoy :)

---

Instructions

1. Put iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.


IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
不值得 - Dream FM
(It helps in life to know how to say no... but isn't this a bit too extreme?)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GIRL?
对爱渴望 - 杨宗纬
(Of course, aside from being attractive, she'd best be keen on being loved as well, yeah?)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Hello - Electrico
(True... my social energy is indeed quite high today)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
情人的眼泪 - 不能说的秘密 OST
(Living for my lover's tears? Hmm... I was expecting something like 宝贵十架... nvm)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
The Tusken Camp and the Homestead - Star Wars OST
(Geek!)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
For the sake of the Call - Steven C Chapman
(Wow, am I really that Holy Moley?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Not Home Yet - Steven C Chapman
(LOL. Time to play!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
夏日 (Summertime) - WAT
(Yes. Summer Vacation, please come!)

WHAT IS 2+2?
20 Candles - Takako Matsu
(Wow. Great Math.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
豆腐宅急便 - Initial D Movie OST
(...)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
永久に共に (Together Forever) - KobuKuro
(Romantic 到...)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
I Stand Alone - Takako Matsu
(T.T)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
長いため息のように (Like a Long Sigh) - Briliant Green
(I where got so eMo!!!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
法廷の風景 (Court Scene) - HERO OST
(Just "Together Forever" a moment ago... and now we're sueing each other. Wow.)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Chasing The Wind - All Saints Church Music Ministry
("Such a disappointment...")

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
谁会改变我 - 杨宗纬
(I can't bear to watch.)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
真爱地图 - F.I.R
(Hopefulness in the midst of eMo. Cool.)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
自导自演的悲剧 - David Tao
(Morbid.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
三千 - Z Chen
(Since when have I made myself that many friends?)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
片方づつの Earphone (Earbuds) - Hirai Ken
(Yea, cup earphones are so much better!)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Yes Or No - A*Mei
(Like I'll die hearing Xiaoqian sing or something...)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
浪漫手机 - Jay Chou
(To be precise, I regret my past ATTEMPTS at showing interest using SMSes...)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
河滨公园 - SHE
(On the contary, it almost made me cry...)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Why - YUI
(Huh.)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
No Better Place - Steven C Chapman
(See, my iPod knows me best >_-)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
让时间开口 - Z Chen
(OK... letting time solve everything, quite scary indeed...)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
没有你 - Z Chen
(T.T)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Kiss Me - 6 Pence None the Richer
(...)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
My Anata - David Tao
(Ouch.)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Marie - Takako Matsu

Spicy!

Not exactly the most fabulous live performance, but the item did spice up the festive atmosphere of this year's CCTV CNY Gala.

Jay Chou's "本草纲目" with a spicy twist!

I especially love the fusion of 2 totally unrelated songs. And Jay's Nunchucks on drums was WIN.

Urge

One reason I didn't regret going for Gravity Unleashed Japanese singing competition was because one of my seniors at VOICES emerged champion in the end.

That aside.

Watching the bands, telling the tight ones from the not-so-tight, it seemed to me that my sitting in the theatre, there and then, wasn't by chance. Though I should say that my decision to turn up was made at really short notice.

Somehow, God must have put me there to remind me the purpose for which I was given my post in Emerge 09. Beyond my weariness in body and spirit I could see, through the eyes of the audience, the raw exhilaration that a fabulous live band act can actually stir up.

We've just got to want it badly enough.

CVCF Bible Study Camp 2009

A nice spiritual retreat before the bustling school life begins all over again!

Besides learning more about the Gospels and getting to know the brothers and sisters better, there were lots of other stuff I've learnt from serving in the Camp Committee and as one of the pianists for worship sessions.

One big family!

Camp Committee

Group "Frankincense"

Taking up my first ever stint as a "photographer", I realised instead that I've developed a liking of taking "Camera B" shots. As in...

For the spontaniety I guess.

One downside is that the time for the camp will always coincide with module bidding, which poses as, well, quite a distraction for some of us, including the author of this post who was rash enough to drop an unbiddable allocated module and had to submit online appeals to reverse his error.

Laptops. Yeah.

Animal?

礼裕干事：“...可是他就说，‘男人是感性的动物’，...”

方瑜：“他干脆把‘感’那个字去掉好了。”

Too Fast, Too Slow

"浪漫只怕太慢，痛快只怕太快"

--五月天，《春天的呐喊》

嗨，两句歌词，就轻易表达了年轻人们对生命的空虚无常所感受到的无奈。

What is this feeling?

There are people around with this so-called "Messiah complex", who somehow think they're on a mission to change the world, or things of a smaller scale.

But how does this state of mind manifest itself? I have no idea.

~

I've been noticing you since that time. You're someone who, well, doesn't really get the attention you want sometimes. Might be because of the way you talk, or the stuff you talk about.

Is it just me, or is it some kind of aversion of eye contact that I observed?

I think you're not someone who's unwilling to share. I think you're willing to share loads about yourself, just that this lack of a sense of presence in a huge group is getting to you.

And when you finally find someone who listens, you'll probably, well, pour it all out. And look him in the eye.

If I'm not already reading too much into things, I might just want to say that I see some of myself in you. And I can relate.

I wish to see you open up. Cause I think I'll be able to feel your delight when you do.

=)

OLE~ OLE OLE OLE!

I just used the equivalent of "lim peh" in my Japanese oral placement test.

:D

Calm

My supposed best module was really my best module, and my expected worst module was really my worst module.

I thought I'd be "killed all kinds of dead" by maths, so much so that my heart actually leapt when I saw that grade. Not a very high grade, mind you.

That my best module wasn't my core made me think of a few things, but then again, that Japanese Studies module is clearly different from the rest. It'll take me another semester to sort things out, like whether to minor in J-studies.

Meanwhile, I'm just going to visit the Science Library much more next Sem.

I know what I'll do next summer

This December has been too short and too busy for me to do anything unrelated to school or CCA. Or video games.

But I know what I'll do come summer '09. I'll draw.

It's an old hobby of mine, which nearly reared its head for a comeback during that short period of time in Army when I got fascinated with the world of Anime and related illustration.

I said nearly.

This time, it all started with my little stay at Bedok Library when I was supposed to study Statistics for that fateful Maths Paper.

I had to seat myself near the Illustrations section.

Along came this guy with a book filled with short indie graphic novels, and naturally (for me yes) when I wanted to take a breather, I started to do this sketch of the shelves before me.

One aspect of drawing I avoided like a plague in my textbook-doodling days came right back at me -- the perspective aspect.

I admire people who can draw landscapes. Natural or urban, but definitely 3-dimensional.

A bit of talent, yes, but it's bound to take lots of practice. And that's what I'll start doing next summer.

I was reminded of this Chinese artist called Qi Baishi. Though the sources were of questionable credibility (how else would I classify Secondary School Comprehension passages?), Qi was definitely one of the "practised" artists. He basically mustered the resolve to keep drawing prawns when he was young, and he eventually established himself as an artist famous for his drawings of, erm...

prawns.

Yeah.

As if in silent tribute, and partly because of the fresh impression from the seafood Hor Fun I had the previous day, I made a sketch too.

prWned

If I go far enough I might just start entertaining that doujin dream I stuffed in the closet long ago.

Always - Atomic on 3rd Street

When we watched Always Sunset on 3rd Street 1 for our post-war Japanese film module, I couldn't really appreciate the "nostalgia" theme (I know what it's there for, though) as it's considered to be a "misplaced nostalgia", i.e. a "longing" (?) for a past that one had never experienced.

Yeah by the way, I wasn't born in the 1950s.

Me and my big mouth. Now in the sequel I got served an uber atomic blast of nostalgia in my face.

I was particularly amused when Suzuki Auto shouted "TEMEE" at the lizard!

Why does it work on me this time? 'Cause I've just watched the original 1954 Godzilla film, so I can even recognise the original theme music they used in this dreamy spin-off!

Ah, in case you're wondering, the above scene was merely the speculations of the novelist character in the story, probably on the day right after a dose of the monster at the cinema.

Transient

"Chancellor's Shield? What Chancellor's Shield?"

Peace'd off

Do you know that...

Nostalgia, when the term was first coined, was used to describe a pathological longing of home, experienced by travelers.

An ancient vending machine in PGP residences awakened my "pathological" longing for the old Heaven & Earth tea series.

More than anything else, I miss the Imperial Orchid tea the most. And they still haven't brought it back.

Soldier?

"Endure suffering along with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. Soldiers don’t get tied up in the affairs of civilian life, for then they cannot please the officer who enlisted them."

-- 2 Timothy 2 : 3 - 4

华川: "...the analogy of soldiers. Isn't the aim of soldiers to 'please the one who enlisted him' - "

在下: "I thought it's to wait for ORD?"

"Itadakimasu!"

My pride still threatens to eat me up for breakfast sometimes.

I don't get people telling me I'm wrong. But I hate it when people do or say things that merely give me the idea that they're saying I'm wrong.

"Gochisousama!"

Studio Khowbli (read cow-blee)

During one of the J-Studies lectures our Prof was talking about Studio Ghibli, and there's this logo of the studio in her slide, with a profile view of our friendly neighbourhood Totoro.

Greatly inspired by Totoro-sama and the movie of the week (I'll just very loosely translate it as the Racoon Dog Wars), I doodled the following.

Unexpected

Excerpt from conversation with VOICES seniors about upcoming production.

~

Andy: "Emo rock."

Roger: "死了都要爱!"

在下: "Yeah. We'll let the guy scream his lungs out up till the end of the pre-chorus, then...

.

.

A girl takes over in the same key. How's that for unexpected?"

Nice try.

I can understand the campaigns against the cruel luxury of, say, sharks' fin and animal furs, but calling this

"Upsetting of nature's balance"

while simply accepting this

as "Ecology"

makes no sense to me. Are we not part of the ecosystem as well?

Immobilised

It's a bit harsh to say that, but I seriously think this,

might be good news to some.

Fuku'in no Jikan

I was at St. Andrew's Cathedral for a meeting with my fellowship for the coming camp, and alas, at the welcome centre here's what I saw.

あっ、そうですね...

Tomatography

I can't tell you how much I love tomatoes.

Tough love, that's what they call it.

"我已不能多爱你一些~"

LOL Report

Whoever's marking my lab report is so gonna LOL when he sees it.

Lesson learnt. However time consuming and reeking of double work it will be, I'm gonna do a simulation run through the experiments and calculations so that no minor detail will escape my grasp ever again.

I tried my best at titration, but still...

Wrong Answer

This happened during one of the evangelism discussions with my fellowship.

~

Imagine meeting Jesus (yes the Saviour himself!!!) at the gates of heaven. He speaks.

"Question 1: Give me a reason why you would qualify to enter."

The first thing that actually came to my mind, well actually the first few things:

• I've been having a burden of prayer over the unsaved...
• I've been serving in your house... OK maybe not very well on the social interaction side... me being introverted and all, but... still can lah, huh?
• I...

Then it struck me.

Wrong Answer.

I've never been this surprised since, well, since a certain Sunday night last year, but that's not the point.

5 years into the faith and the first thing that came to my mind when asked about the condition of salvation is still, self-effort.

I felt like kicking myself.

Nothing delivers us from spiritual death except for Jesus' blood shed on the cross. I want you to know as well.

Tada'ima

Dear God,

I'm finally back in business. 我回来了。

After this semester

After this bloody semester ends, I will play my part in

• CVCF Bible Study Camp
• NUS VOICES Emerge 2009
• Somebody's birthday bash. LOL
• Dunking Liwei at Sentosa beach.
• Hopefully go for K (finally) with my OG mates.

That, will be after this bloody semester ends.

OK, back to statistics!

Three Sighs

Sigh.

(On Lab sessions)

Eugene: "(on computing) ... it's hard to beat the scholars anyway"

在下: "For me in Chemistry... it's hard to beat those who copy their seniors' lab reports -__-"

~

Sigh.

It's my turn to lead people again. Not that I'm not happy - I'm actually pretty excited.

But I won't be going too far by saying that I'm afraid to lead.

~

Sigh.

Suddenly I'm not used to free Sunday afternoons :(

*Bump

I really shouldn't leave that lousy-mood post up here at the top for too long.

Especially now that I actually have the capacity to ruminate on my Chem stuff again and to actually think of going Vivo after my short VOICES meeting for an equally short (hopefully) shopping spurt.

For someone like me, it's a good sign that I'm starting to need a belt again :)

I'm finally out of that bloodshot-eyed (well my eyes felt bloodshot; they didn't actually look that way), blocked-nose state of existence, and we've closed the chapter of our J-studies group work. Sorry Rin for the time issues =( , and sorry myself by that stupid pronunciation mistake I made during presentation.

You will get my new mobile number soon.

After the mini-concert on Friday I can finally have a nice Saturday morning. Bright sun, clear sky, just my chemistry notes, some data on ionisation energies, and I.

I'm actually very much looking forward to that.

I have drunk the green potion

So now, in the very words of Dumbledore himself,

KILL ME!

Bell Bless You

Had a fun night out with Kelvin and Jon at Wala, listening to Unexpected while rambling about the detriments of the legendary Bell Curve.

Glad that our group presentation is more or less finalised, and my own lines are starting to take shape. I must have scared the shit out of my groupmates with my sucky trial presentation earlier today LOL! I will do my best for Monday, I promise.

And my popular writing article about molecules. Rachael seemed to have 无心插柳 when she made a casual summary of the desired style being somewhat like blog writing.

You'll know what my 柳成荫 refers to then.

Looking forward to starting writing it in the first place. After all (act casual)... it's already 2 days left before the deadline...

Good NEWS

It's pure coincidence I'm sure. 偶然だよ。

The top song for Oricon Single Charts on October 13 was:

Monday Come

In times like these my mind is just, blank.

Projects to be completed, gig in the afternoon, assignments in the evening. I never thought it to be possible that this blankness and mental fatigue would go out of control, but it just did.

Come next week, I'll be a happier person. Right now I don't even have the capacity for emotions anymore.

祝我生日快乐

Thanks for the well-wishes, the TFU Concept Art book! And the cake!

I really enjoyed the night out with the IT Club guys, at Mel's Birthday chalet. It's really a reunion of old friends; I feel at ease there, not like the kind of gatherings which I'd rather say I'm obliged to go for.

Here I am, 3 a.m., writing this post while waiting for my instant noodle to get done. Burned my midnight oil. Now too hungry to actually have a proper sleep, hence the noodles.

And partly also to view the After-Action-Review of the Voices practice today. I mean yesterday.

Free 个屁

It's good to put into words the tasks on hand. Baby steps away from procrastination-

that word, hurts.

• J-studies Group work (20 Oct)
• J-studies Individual Paper (12 Nov)
• 2000-word essay for Chemistry Freshmen "I-love-you-Jiamian" Seminar (20 Oct)
• Music at Church and Campus this Sunday.
• Voices Mini Concert (24 Oct). Yes, this is an advertisement.

Revenge of the Splurge

I regret to inform you (yeah right), that

.

What with my recent purchases of

The Force Unleashed, for PSP

Yeah that same bag

Audio Technica ATH-SJ1 headset

iPod Classic, 120GB

The Splurge has begun, indeed!

Spot the Milo Truck!

I did! Albeit a bit slow, huh.

What with everyone talking about culture, and how to build a culture in communities which are said to have no culture, I realised that culture is really made up of little things like this, something a community has in common, something that will make everyone's day, something that will...

OK I'm babbling too much. Stop.

Collide

That's called being a fan.

I never got the implication of having crossover characters in Soul Calibur 4 until I saw that gameplay video on Youtube.

Starkiller looks like a nihonjin here...

Angol Fear, designed by Yoshizaki sensei based on Angol Mois from Keroro

That means, the galaxies of Star Wars and Keroro, collide.

Sleeper

Sunday night 2359. Monday morning 0000.

Thought I wasn't going to sleep until 2.

Then the e-mail came. Irony huh.

*One red bull down*

Monday afternoon 1251,

Nostalgia

Back to the time when Fujiwara wasn't the first fictional Tofu shop that comes to my mind...

I guess I'm really getting nostalgic.