images by onionhead, RebzxJonasxMoseley
The improvement from Band 3, the self-arranged practice from Band 2, and the little surprise from Kee Onn & Joel really made me feel much more refreshed,
at a time when the dark cloud of FEVER hovers right above my head, ready to discharge that bolt of infection right on me, and I feel like the second most fatigued student in NUS (first is Ryan Lee :P)
Sore throat is pretty much confirmed though, and I've got 2 singing gigs coming up. What a bad timing T.T
Such are the times when the bulk of my time is spent on stuff that isn't exactly newsworthy while the real juicy newsworthy 劲爆 events of late, I cannot share.
What a waste.
Had a feel-good birthday celebration this year though. Thanks sister you've made my day.
10 weeks of mayhem have passed, my comrade in arms has finally escaped the dark tower while I'm a few steps further into the torture chamber, 'cause I love the pain (Read: My fellow Chem Major in VOICES has transferred course and my lab sessions have just begun). Talk about weeping and gnashing of teeth.
4 piano accompaniments to practice, now.
I don't know what you think about me, maybe you feel nothing at all.
But I don't wanna smile without you.
I hate it when there's nothing I can do to help. I hate this feeling.
I hate it when people close up because they fear the emotions within them. I hate it when people refuse to address their problems just because they need to be painfully honest sometimes to do so.
But more than anything else, I hate it that in the end even if everything is brought out into broad daylight, I still won't be able to help.
Everything's now in the feel-good state. Not rainbows and butterflies, but feel-good.
But that's dangerous. I was unbelievably optimistic about my studies last Sem, or maybe complacency was the word. This Sem I'm far from complacent, but the automatic loosening of tension after my last (TECHNICALLY my last) midterm shook me a bit. No I must keep the tension at a healthy level.
Let things take their natural course and not try to rush it.
As much as I can't take all the waiting and guessing and rationalising. I feel I'm so much more reserved now, but maybe I'm doing just fine.
'sides, it's not even time for ME to make a decision yet.
I just need the constant reminder that it'll turn out wrong if I take shortcuts.
More listeners, more advisers, less wet blankets. That'll do for now :D
Got craving for chocolate, after doing hours of research just on choc alone argh.
Nice legs song. Who can resist the legs ambiguity in the key, modulating between D Major and A Major and never really coming to a resolution. I Like!
Watched UP. Came out of the theater thinking of everything else but balloons. Disillusionment, significance, decisions, friendships, life. Anything but balloons.
It's one of the films of late which once again reminded me that "good and bad" isn't exactly that clear cut; it's the decisions that we make at the moment that determine which side we take, and if need be, who survives.
There are times when I make decisions that, on retrospective, don't make any sense at all. Besides being appalled at myself I find myself wondering what if people judge me by those decisions. Most of the time they don't, actually, and I have to remind myself not to come too quickly to judgements about people as well, by only seeing the tip of the iceberg.
扯很远了。扯回来吧。
Basically I feel a lot for the old explorer guy (forgot his name) who gave his life for his achievement and vindication. I'm still not sure if I would call him bad person, though in any standard story his fate would be the "just deserts" of any typical villain. Was he so lost in his pursuit that he got twisted in the process? Was it his momentary loss of composure that drew a fault line between him and the heroes of the story (and his many past victims)?
In the end is it even worth it, though? Giving so much for an achievement which only a small slice of the future generations will remember. And losing so much more in the process.
I am happy for our heroes who found joy in life together, but the lessons etched more deeply in my heart will be from the old explorer, who died without vindication.
Thanks to JSS, I suddenly find myself...
Going for bowling again...
Playing Baseball and attempting blockbuster Home Runs...
And getting a chance to camwhore in a yukata jinbei (super casual Japanese ethnic wear for your ojisan next door).
夏祭り! Summer Festival 2009!
Wa, nice leh, one of the nicer songs from these few years. First heard it only today LOL.
I somehow can't imagine the throngs of primary school kids sitting in stuffy school halls singing this song during comunity singing, but I'm not complaining :) We do need non-schoolkid-friendly songs once in a while la, huh?
Now that summer is coming to an end, I'll give a general account (not the one on CORS) of what transpired during the sweltering season of fun.
Blazing the Music with Converse! Playing in the glass window display at Tangs wasn't exactly friendly on the acoustics, but we did have fun!
Xavier said he thought of this J-Rock hairstyle when he first looked at me. Encouraging, huh?
Bintan beach retreat with CVCF! A great time of fellowship, Tzu Char binging, Bintang Beer and hermit crab collection.
MusicMen!!!
All Saints' Church Student Camp, where I witnessed many brothers and sisters being used mightily by God for expanding His Kingdom.
Plus my own nostalgic night walk around AHS, marvelling at how old (concrete) meets new (concrete)
SHINE Youth Event at Orchard Road! I played bass for VOICES and REIS for the fringe event booths.
Stormtrooper from 501st! They're actually the most decent-looking ones at SHINE, among a whole throng of cosplayers.
CAC (Cultural Activities Club) Camp. I just found out that they'll have a finale this coming Friday where CAC will actually be publicised. Wow.
Too late, damage's done. Put me through 3 days of pure, unadulterated "Engin Camp Part 2". つまんない。
Marina Barrage really boasts a panoramic view I'd say.
Takeaways from the camp? A nice tan plus a sand sorcerer shot, LOL.
You'll bet I wanted some relief from that 3 days of awkwardness away from home! Got it at the following J-Studies Society camp!
I kind of missed JSS, 'cause most of the activities clashed with lessons and VOICES. I've gotta say they're a fun bunch!
Nice freshies and a CCA camp that's got its own character. Didn't waste my time.
Fun with old friends...
Enjoying Nighttime Sentosa
Manning stations and doing silly stuff like drinking with 10 straws
Playing Ponyo at the beach
Playing motion shots with DSLR. Again.
The glorious Jumpshot!
Burying Junhong in the sand and "building" a Gundam Wing Zero out of it. Carolyn can really draw, even on sand!
Halfway through the summer I found myself in the organising commitee of CVCF Freshmen Camp, doing programs with Chuling. When Jiamian first explained to me his concept of CORS bidding simulation - all for the purpose of giving the freshmen some hands-on before Round 1A actually starts - I never expected the project to scale up towards a fully working, formula-driven spreadsheet. We had great fun bidding for food items (which we agreed are the best form of incentive we can promise in a 1-day bidding game), but eventually the prizes proved to be... a tad too much to stomach, LOL.
I've enjoyed the CVCF camp experience lest year - simple but rewarding. I guess I can say the same for this year as well :)
Same Museum, different year.
I've come to love eagles especially after understanding the significance of the analogy in Isaiah 40
The real "Can of Worms"! If these are the larvae I can imagine how big the beetles will end up. The description says that they taste like shrimps when fried, but I'm not sure if I want to find out!
Our group winnings! I guess we got the more digestable combination.
The coming semester promises to be more hectic and eventful, and my prayer is still the same. To remember God in the excitement of my days of youth, and to deliver.
Yazima Beauty Salon: 3 Japanese guys playing the role of 3 sisters hailing from Nevada... what a concept LOL
I foresee a JSS mass dance in the making.
I'm glad we came through for our gig at Orchard yesterday! Both for VOICES and REIS.
4 practices in total for VOICES, changes here and there during the sessions, getting bold and experimental: Roger on bass, Joel catching exact string parts, and me on drums. DRUMS!!!
3 practice sessions for REIS. Looking back, we've been pretty bold indeed!
Be it with VOICES at the crowded front of Wisma Atria or with REIS at the panoramic Ngee Ann City Civic Plaza, nothing quite beats performing right out there in the open. I should probably say that I felt less nervous than in my gigs at Ben & Jerry's 'cause...
~
Jane Doe (DJ from 91.3): "Hi, you are?"
在下: "Weiquan."
JD: "Hmm..."
在下: "Is Isaiah easier to remember?"
JD: "Ah yes, Isaiah! Alright."
... ...
在下: "... yes, and REIS stands for Roger, Evan, Isaiah and Sanjay."
JD: "OK. How do I spell your name again?"
在下: "i-s-a-i-a-h."
JD: "Oh... that Isaiah!"
在下: "Yes. That one! :)"
JD: "So you watch Grey's Anatomy!"
在下: "... "
~
Evan: "So, are you happy?"
在下: "I should be."
Drumming is a totally different experience. Altogether.
I'm so close to saying that the exhilaration it gives beats that which I get from singing.
This is going slower than planned.
I've finally finished Emo Intel out of the tons of books I bought for the summer.
And now, after getting to understand the nature of emotions and how they build up or drag down the individual, depending on how he or she manages it, I'm now moving on to getting inspirations for how exactly to manage those emotions.
"Changes that Heal" by Dr Henry Cloud. From my random browsing I found some honest accounts of very personal issues that people might face, and scriptural answers to them. Now after going through the introductory chapters which kind of promised some practical aspects of growing in God's image and likeness - an idea frequently brought up, but not that easily defined - I'm really looking forward to the rest of the journey.
Back to my study room then!
Yesterday's cell was especially edifying. Almost all of us served in Student Camp, and we've all had our very own tiny (some not so tiny) encounters with God, and opportunities to serve Him.
And sometimes, God just raises us up for the occasion, under very short notice!
I'm glad to say that I've found one of my areas of calling. But it's just one, and I'm sure there're more.
Burdens come and go. In different times we see different people in need, but who will I be called to minister to? This time round I've been reading Emotional Intelligence by Goleman, and in the cases described in the book I see people missing out on the fullness of life because of a missing ingredient in their life: EQ.
Fights, destructive relationships, lives broken by the onslaught of negative emotions, and all we need is to handle our emotions better.
That could be learnt (or for some, re-learnt) with external help.
Which brought back to mind my distant interest in Social Work modules in University.
I still have yet to make my choice for my Minor, and I'll still be doing J-Studies modules. But I should probably take a closer look at SW in the following semesters.
Still, God, even in all these, even when I know that everything will only happen in Your own time, I guess I won't cease pleading with you about that small request of mine. The frustration has awakened all over again, and I doubt it ever will go away.
I know I sound like a brat, but I'm sick of waiting.
I was very grateful that God used me after all, for ASC Student Camp, when it first seemed impossible.
And just when I thought I'd merely "session" for them during the daily worship services 'cause I had other CCA admin stuff to settle, I eventually decided to stay in because of the early hours of the practices and services.
I guess spending the wee hours outside home for that number of days gave me the time and the ambience I needed for some time alone with God.
During the BBQ on the final day, among Zhihao's PA system playlist there was "5 loaves 2 fish" by Corrinne May, a song about surrender, that came into my life during a time when I really needed that moment of surrender to God.
To surrender my... delusion that I could take things into my own hands easily, I suppose.
I went off alone to that dark classroom block to pray. About many things.
Among which was my frustration that I never seemed to be able to be fully satisfied in God Himself. I was still chasing after the kinds of love that I wanted, or I thought I wanted. Those desires were real, and relevant, I believe. They remain very much so, and I believe they're from God.
But I could go so far as to say that I won't be satisfied; I WON'T REST until one day when my desires are met.
And though I've gotten enough timely messages from God to never doubt His existence ever again, truth was, to me He's just like a pen pal, a one-way Skype friend. We communicate at a distance. Only He was a webcam. Sure, I've recieved a few "e-mails", but what I knew of Him was based on information. Concrete, yes, but just information.
And I know there can never be a day when we can sit down and have tea and talk just like friends do. Before I go home to His Kingdom, that is.
So for now, this is the furthest our communication could go.
...
"How could I possibly be satisfied like that?" I asked God.
~
After I got a bit better I went back to my bunk which was also the venue for the camp prayer cell, and Qinglin was making this passing comment about being surprised at someone saying it's easy to believe in the Christian faith.
In an equally passing comment, I said I'd probably say the same. It's just information based faith, after all.
I was surprised at how, at that moment, I easily took Shuyi's reply to that comment of mine, 'cause I feel a tad reserved now even as I put it into words when I recount that conversation.
"Perhaps you haven't really met God yet."
But I had to say, I was suddenly opened to possibilities that lay before me and I chose not to see.
To think that I dared say that this was the furthest level of fellowship I could go with God. When in my last post I was still praying for "something better".
WHEN GOD HAS ALREADY GIVEN ME HIS BEST! HE GAVE HIS LIFE FOR ME!
There's definitely more I can seek, and God can always reveal more of Himself to me. And here, I'll ask Him to.
"Please."
(God,)You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
- Psalm 139:16
