Wait

The word is still regret. Regret that I've killed something that's alive. Like cutting off a bud before it could bear flower and fruit. Like boiling an egg so that the chick could never be born.

So, the hungry man who could have had spring chicken now has only a hard bolied egg to show for it.

God opens up opportunities, and when he decides to open doors he'll open them anyway.

Just that now, because I sought early gratification, these opportunities, now hollowed by my act of folly, stare back at me in mockery.

But if I so fervently commit to prayer, would he not give me something new, something better? He will, whether I believe it or not. Just that if I keep on refusing to wait in faith, I'd destroy everything.

So I'll whine, but I'll wait.

Deliver

The key word for my next 3 weeks will be: Deliver.

I have my time constraints, and I might really be too stretched out. Still, I don't need that much time; I just need to make full use for whatever little time I have for everything.

And deliver.

thank You for the music

I'm very much looking forward to my next gig with R.E.I. (still a tentative name).

Good that all of us are quickly building on our repertoire (the foundation of which was laid by quick upgrades from Evan's acostic solo sets). I guess one of the best things about us is that we all sing, and we all had experiences in directing bands. 'Cause this means we get our turns to sing lead vocals, we can do 3-part harmony like nobody's business, and all of us have some kind of ownership in our "open-source" repertiore in general.

I was so on high from singing "Wherever You Will Go" during yesterday's jamming!

And I do see myself going somewhere serving in church music ministry, compared to the previous few months when things got a bit dry. I guess the sharing in the previous ministry gathering about the importance of skills in a worship band did help me loosen up a bit from that highly reserved state I used to find myself in when playing for service.

That means I can afford to be more expressive, and now I'm more ready to try new things out. I kind of surprised myself with that agogo-ish bassline for that song which I haven't heard before that session but they all called "ancient", LOL.

Ah, yes

I had to remind myself that, if this had been the December vacation instead, it'd be over soon.

But now I still have 2 months.

All other plans are going on fine, but I've gotten a few books for the summer and I expect to finish them by the time school reopens.

I have important things to do next Sem. And study. I cannot afford to get such results for a third time.

Plus, I'm still giving myself a deadline to achieve that goal. I haven't much time left.

P.S.

I was bent on not buying any clothes this summer, 'cause I have enough of them already and also I have to save money.

And then I realised, Great S'pore Sale happens now.

Shit.

Screw that confidence

'Cause in the end the grades of my elective modules weren't as rosy as expected.

And my cores, I'm just grateful they didn't get any worse.

Quite a few marked differences in this Sem and last Sem, but still not good enough to push the results up considerably. If everything had proceeded as planned, things would now be very different.

I shan't say anything about academics for the next Sem for the time being.

Bean there, worn that

After an evening of "reckless abandon" in A minor preparation for gig at Ben & Jerry's on Saturday, Roger, Evan and I decided to continue on this whole beanie idea that we'd been toying with during audition day.

And Roger's finally hopped onto the Musicians' Black-Rimmed-Specs bandwagon!

Same answer, "Tsk, not used to it la."

Conclusion: New beanie for Roger. No beanie for Evan.

As for me, I'll save my beanie for some other day. This Sat I'll be turning up with a fedora.

What I really wanna say is

There're times when you encounter people who just can't stop taking jabs at you to satisfy their own ego. Truth is, they're simply making a clown of themselves, and as far as I'm concerned 我~

完全

没有

任何

理由

理你

The Full Confidence of Faith - FES 50th Anniversary Talk

FES, or Fellowship of Evangelical Students, is the umbrella organisation of my school Christian fellowship.

I wish I could go for the full session, but looks like I can only go for the Friday one.

Though I should say, I really think the Saturday session would be useful for me.

Time Management

Who talks about time management during long vacations like this?

Me.

First 2 weeks have been eventful and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Be it outdoor trips, overseas beach retreats, music practices for band and church camp, "Live Long & Prosper", or just plain pigging out.

Got all the time to do the stuff I love. Just that all of them are crammed into May & early June.

Cool.

At first everything was nicely laid out. Now everything's starting to clash with one another. I'm so stretched out now that I can't give more time which I'd otherwise have given to polish the individual projects on hand.

And the apologetics talk for which I have to give a pass.

This is so like the exams. Just that I'm still enjoying myself nonetheless.

I merely wish I can worry less about schedules and logistics.

One (more) night in PGP

One more night in PGP Residences.

And I'll be checking out tomorrow.

Everything happened too quickly in my stay here. Even more so for the events that transpired which led to my getting a room in the first place.

Tuesday, mid Feb:

E-mail from school: "We've got an empty room right now. Those interested please get back to us by this Friday."

Best part? I wouldn't even have noticed this mail if Outlook hadn't opened by itself in my Science Library PC!

Of course I replied.

Wednesday:

E-mail: "Alright the room's yours! We won't reveal the room type to you until you've checked in so you can't say no even if the room turned out to be that ATAS Type-A with air-con, attached bathroom; the type that takes a heavy blast at your Dad's pocket."

Hmm...

Thursday, 7:30 a.m. Mom's already (!) at work:

"Bye Dad! See you soon!" Thank God I got the most affordable room type!

That day I had to lug both my instruments along 'cause there'll be band practice the following day. Worked out quite a sweat that morning.

Phew!

Thus began my half-Semester stay at PGP Residences!

Suddenly, Vivocity became the nearest shopping mall, Bus 10 was... still my friendliest bus (now it goes past Vivo + Katong Shopping Mall + Church + both my homes :D ), and the quiet view of Science Park and the harbour beyond bidded me goodnight.

Everyday.

Everything that transpired after that seemed like a breeze too.

Tech Runs. And rushing with Julian and Jon for the last shuttle bus back to PGP.

Publicity Booth, erm, "mending". And that night in my room when I transcribed about 10 songs in total. Hoped whatever was done managed to put the pub side at ease.

More Tech Runs. During one of which I almost went insane. Simply because someone else got lucky (go figure). Ugh, silly me.

Rehearsals at Lunar Bar. And it was only my third time there when I looked up and saw... those pictures o_O.

Emerge.

あの事件。It was in this room, all those nights, when I prayed all the time, but didn't stop to listen. You'd never have expected that fine day to turn out this way. I didn't either.

And it was in this same room, when things got a little brighter. I'm very thankful for whatever followed, given the mess I've made.

Steph's birthday bash. 8 songs in 2 days. And my eyes got larger too.

Campus Reunion Concert. Practices till 3 a.m. and the like. Supper at Fong Seng. All possible 'cause I have a room at PGP.

And the dead goldfish.

I'm not gonna talk about exams here.

Point is, tonight will be my last night here in PGP. This room will forever hold those memories of Year 1 Sem 2.

How timely it is, then, that tomorrow I'll be going for VOICES new Exco election straight after checking out. Right into a new beginning. The week of Emerge 09, which forms the bulk of my ties to this room, is but a distant memory now, but I think I'll pack it into my last batch of luggage too as I leave.

When the clock next strikes 12, the room shall be back to how it was again.

Crisis Core

McSpicy, it's calling my name now ARGH!!!

~

Kai Guan: "what do YOU think of this semester?"

在下: "Picture an apple with its 'core' removed."

Fuji Apple. What's left is purely Japanese. OK I'm getting too cryptical here...

Ubin

SUMMER.

Not the time to unwind yet, but there's definitely time for some Ubin fun!

We met at Tampines, so I could afford that little extra sleep. And woke up to: Rain.

That meant, plans B all the way to Z. We could always hit the ice-skating rink, and go for Karaoke... but the rain stopped so we could proceed as planned.

I miss the exhilaration of cycling, especially in the cool weather after the rain. And I was sure glad I went in flip-flops... all the mud!

Tour guide for the day: Huachuan!

Boys. All under cover

A piece of the multicoloured wonder

Kimochi

Another of my favourite tracks on my iPod.

Spotted this group WaT (Wentz & Teppei) a few years back on a review on i-Weekly, got curious and went to get their album. Loved everything from style of music to the youthful theme of the lyrics.

“僕のキモチ”, "My Feelings" in English, is one of their most famous songs.

Wonderful LIVE setup. If only Teppei hadn't been crying from the start of the song... LOL.

I shall do justice to this song in my next visit to Cash Studios KTV. The last time I went I had sore throat ARGH!!!

Must Wake Up

Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m. Must Wake Up At 8 a.m.

So I shall go sleep now.

L`Arc~en~Ciel - Nexus 4

Stumbled upon this song last semester, when I still had the time and the motivation to follow the Oricon Charts.

Love the groove to bits. And the high 'A' note.

One of my favourite destress songs.

V1:
あてなくただよう　TRAFFIC JAM
街は無秩序　（むちつじょ）　そそぐ雨は　ACID RAIN
明日への空席も無く
迷う僕らは夢見る　ELECTRIC SHEEP

PC1:
いつ来るか知れない　憧れの時
燻　（くすぶ）る　感情は
ただ黙って待ってられない

C1:
見上げたなら　夜空を切り裂いて
駆け上るJET　僕らを導く
錆　（さ）びついた羽根は　まだ朽　（く）ち果てちゃいない
夏より熱い燃え上がる魂
さぁ目覚めろ　NEXT STAGE

V2:
無数に増殖　（ぞうしょく）する　TRAP
一つミスれば笑い飛ばされ　DELETE
未来は仮想的空間へ
結局確かな物は　この想いだけさ

PC2:
眺　（なが）めるばかりの　燃えゆく炎
棒に振るチャンスを　ただ黙って待ってられない

C2:
見上げたなら　夜空を切り裂いて
駆け上るJET　僕らを導く
信じるまま　走れ　きっとまだ間に合う
跳　（は）ね上がる SPEED　決して逃がさない
さぁ飛び乗れ　NEXT STAGE

B:
使い捨てられたって　見返してやるさ
0からの自由を取り込んだ最強のMONSTER

C3:
捲き上がった轟音　（ごうおん）にまみれて秒読みのＳＴAＲＴ
鼓動に合わせて　SAY　321　GO!
君が見上げたなら高く駆け昇る　JET　僕らが旅立つ
さあ飛び乗れSPACE AGE
VIRTUAL GENERATION

This rainy morning

Don't I just love the rain.

8 a.m. in the morning, with a gentle pour outside my bunk window, sounding like a lullaby.

I said "heck" to my handphone alarm and slept on. Who wouldn't?

9 a.m..Woke up all refereshed (even after that stupid dream about losing my bag). I guess the morning rain had such a widespread effect, they had to use this fake fire alarm to wake us all up.

Got Cloud Like Snake

《赤壁》中听到孔明说的 “连窥天河，有云如蛇”，就是这个意思吧。

4 months of Japaneseness

It's not over yet.

AnpanMan shall return, in Japanese 4!

なぜ？だって　アンパンマン　は　一人　しか　いない　だろう？

この学期に、やっと　大学で　日本語を　勉強する　チャンスが　あって、うれしかった。まぁ、都合がちょっと　よくなかったけど　（水曜の　夜　だから、教会の　バンドを　やめなければならなかった）、会話の　練習する　機会がいっぱいあったし、新しい　友達も　できたんだ。

それに、あんなに　不都合な　時間のせいで、晩ご飯が　一つの　アンパン　しか　食べられないように　なってしまった。

だから　アンパンマン　だ。

この学期の　日本語は　こんな　鼓動で　終わって　よかった　（この前のポストを参考）。うれしいよ、僕。

これを　読んでる　君たちも　あきらめないでよ！

P.S. まぁ実は、あんまり　専門　の　物理化学に　戻りたくないなぁ．．．　次の試験のトピクだったのに．．．

Motivation

These days I see it everywhere. Even in the least expected places.

Like the comprehension passage of my Japanese Exam. I was brimming with energy after I finished the whole exercise, LOL.

A very simple message - "You will become the person you think you are".

If I had fully embraced my identity in Christ I'd be a very different person today. But so far I've merely been allowing my defeatist mindset which I've been cultivating since secondary school to eat me up from inside.

I know who I want to be. I just have to take active steps to push my childish fears away.

Thank you, God, for using all kinds of stuff to remind me, that if there's going to be a time for change, it is NOW.

The author shares the same dream as mine.

「子どもに「父ちゃん、かっこういい！」と言われたい。」

OK maybe there's a slight difference, but the bottomline is the same - to be a good parent.

Someday I will bring my children up in the ways of the Lord, teach them all the things I should have been taught, and see them growing up as whole persons.

That's my life goal. That's the best way I can make up for what my parents have missed out on - the goodness of a healthy family life.

help

下个考卷，12小时后进行。

还有半个webcast要听完，接着盖过4份DNA的讲义。

刚刚的晚餐就像这即将结束的学期一样，我满脑子都是课业以外的事情。暑假的种种计划也好，人生目标也好，自我意识也好，又是一个人吃着饭，眉头深锁地思考着。

我对自己的要求越来越严格了。前看后看明明都有神的带领，但就是不满自己仍处在“等待”的阶段。我不喜欢等。

我对别人都有耐心，就是对自己，完全没有。

下学期正式当上“学长”了。对我来说是项更高一层的考验和试炼。

这两周，还是先读书吧。至少我知道，I'm in good hands.